Should you indulge his whims?

In order to grow up and raise a child, the parents often have to sacrifice their personal affairs, the work, and the finances. But you should distinguish which the sacrifices are necessary and which are harmful, because one of the problems of “the home pedagogy” in the fact that the parents make the unnecessary sacrifices. Trying to give a treat to the child that is clearly intended only for him, buy an expensive toy, another new thing, you pamper him and give him a reason to feel “only and unique”. And this can lead to the development of the selfishness. If the child is used to being the center of the attention from an early age, not having anything to refuse, this gradually becomes the norm for him. He has not already understood or does not want to realize that the fulfillment of his desires infringes on the interests of other people and he is still capricious and insists on his own, without regard to anyone.

Of course, in the middle-income families (and especially in the low-income families), all the best is given to the children, because it is not possible to provide for all the family members equally. But it is worth doing it so that the child does not notice that he is given any preference. Put the most delicious pieces insensibly to him; buy the new clothes, not focusing on this attention (= you must not tell that I have bought the new blouse because you are best for me. You would better say that today you got a good grade in English).

 

In order for the child not to grow up greedy, from a very young age it is necessary to teach him to share the toys with his friends, to enjoy their success, to tell not only about himself, but also about them. Educate him so that he is not selfish.

 

If your baby is the only child, this is harder to do. He often becomes spoiled, getting used to being the center of the attention from the cradle. And if he is also the only grandchild of the grandparents, the danger of raising him selfish and capricious increases. As a rule, such the child develops in the hothouse conditions. The adults deprive him of the independence, and he grows up unfit for the life. And this all begins in general innocently, with such the conversations: “Who do we love more than anyone else in the world? Of course, Vanechka (Kolenka, Dimochka, etc.)! Who is the best? Of course, he is!” Several years pass, and it turns out that for Vanya the most beloved and dear only he is.

In an atmosphere of the excessive guardianship, the only children get used to taking their parents’ care for granted. They begin to feel the strength in their weakness that is such the child supervises the adults, abuse the attention of their parents and make the excessive demands on them, becoming “the little despots”. They cannot be refused anything, otherwise they fall into hysterics.

All this can be avoided if you build a reasonable system of the education.

First, the parents should take into account that the love should be expressed not only in the tenderness and the affection, but also in the demands.

Demanding is a mandatory element of the proper education.

The understanding that in the life there is not only “I want” and “I do not want”, but also, “I must”, should be instilled in the baby from the earliest years. He should be guided not only by his own desires, but also by the necessity of one or the other for other family members. If the child is trained to fulfill the reasonable requirements imposed on him from the childhood, he will quickly get used to the conditions of the kindergarten, to the study at school and then he will grow strong-willed, organized and disciplined.

 

When the children’s “give” and “want” begin to go beyond the limits of the reason, they must face your “no”, “cannot”, “do not allow”, and the success of your entire system of the education will depend on these first forbidding words.

I advise you to express your demands in a persistent but calm and pleasant way. If you only yell at the child and constantly pull him back with the words: “Do not dare!” “Do not run!” “Do not touch it!” – nothing good will come of it. The shouts only unnerve and irritate the baby, but they do not teach him anything.