Remember even the best game should not be prolonged, only then it will interest and cheer the child.

 

Choose the games corresponding the time of the day. Before going to sleep they should be calm, quiet; after sleeping – more noisy and mobile.

 

Play with your child willingly. If you only pretend that you are playing, and your head is busy with other things, he will immediately understand this, because the children are very sensitive to falsehood.

 

The baby draws

A capricious baby can be distracted by an offer to draw together. After all at the age of one to five years, the children love this activity very much. It promotes both the mental development and creative one of the child, teaches him to the independence.

Ask your child to draw with the pencils, the markers, the paints, and the ink. Put a large sheet of paper in front of him and draw something yourself. I am sure he will not resist and will start drawing after you. In no case, do not treat his art condescendingly-mockingly, encourage and praise him. And he will get carried away with this interesting business.

 

*   * *

If you, dear parents, really want to help your child get rid of the whims, often look at the world through his eyes to understand how he sees the family, you, himself. Many of the unsolved problems will become more understandable, and you will get rid of the difficulties in the education.

Part 5

 

If the child IS disobey

 

Many parents face the fact that their child becomes just unmanageable that is he does everything on the contrary. Any contact with him constantly brings to the scandal. The punishment follows for the scandal, and the mutual offends and the losses of the trust come after the punishment. These problems are growing up as a snowball that is the parents bawl and the child stops hearing the calm speech, the parents harshly punish him, and the child learns to lie and maneuvers. There are the parents who think that the child should be “broken”, but he will “sits on the neck” and he will be getting spoiled. Their word will always still be last under any circumstances and at any cost. There are the parents who try foreseeing every step of their baby who remains “the kid” up to twenty or thirty years in order to warn, to protect and insulate from everything. There are the parents who facing with the problems of upbringing they wave at everything their hand that is “Do everything what you want, but properly and with the caution that is do not do stupid anything. Do not complain only then. This is your life”. All the parents, exactly these ones and many others that is without including, wish the happiness for your children. But far not all manage to keep the mutual understanding, the trust and the love with them. This book does not teach the fact that how you should raise your children. But it offers to conceive which the motives makes the child to be disobey, and which ones beget the wishes at the adult to punish him, and which the results can give those methods or other ones of upbringing. The choice remains after you.

 

Why IS not the baby obey?

 

What to do if your kid does not disobey? In order to understand in it you should try to answer the following questions that are why does not the child disobey? What does he want to say by that and what to insist on? How to react the fact that the baby does not disobey? Should you punish him? Should you distract the child? Should you not pay the attention?

 

The eight-month-old girl sits on her mother’s knees at the table and she is pulling to the hot cup. The mother says “You must not do it!” The girl pulls her hand back and gives it to the cup at once again. Her mother hits the girl’s hand. The kid is burst crying.

What did it happen? The girl is though small, but she understands the word “must not”. And still she does on the contrary. Why? She starts exploring the limits of what is allowed, trying to understand why that she is allowed to take the cup that she is prohibited to do it, why the girl’s mother is angry now, but she was laughing last time.

Is it worth to punish such the baby? She tries to understand the causal relationships, exploring the world around her, but her mother, despite the fact that to be the protection, suddenly becomes the danger herself that is she has hit.

 

From what age the child is able to understand what he is punished for? It is difficult to give the accurate answer for this question, because, on the one hand, this is a rather individual process, on the other hand, it is quite often difficult to determine what is behind this understanding that is an intuitive reaction to the displeased expression of the adult and the strict tone or the beginning of the awareness.

You should not turn to the punishment before the child will be two and a half to three years. After all no one will think to spank a newborn baby. The child has to able to understand the aim of the punishment that is you should teach him to behave. He must see the punishment as the result of any his false actions, but not as the manifestation of the angry will. In fact your task not to offend your child, but to point that so-and-so has to do.

What can the adult do to smooth out the trace from the insults keeping at the baby after the punishment? The psychologists recommend joking about the punishment and even devising a game so that the child also has had a reason to punish you. If he feels that you also obey these rules, he will be less angry, when you use them to him.

 

THE ATTENTION! If you do decide to punish your child for that action or other one, you should be consistent.

 

Imagine such the situation to yourself where the baby pours out the compote on the table. His mother shook her finger at him, frowning, and took the cup away. The baby revises this experiment at the dinner. But the mother has a good mood that is she laughs and kisses him. There is the same situation at the supper, but the mother gets mad, kicks out the child from the table and slaps him.

What the result is? The baby is offended. He got the opposite information about the correctness of this action. He cannot understand what his fault is.

 

I would like to make one more very important remark. Scolding the child, imagine that this is an adult or even you are in a similar situation yourself. Thus, you knocked over a сup at a party or even it slid to the floor and broke into the small pieces. What the reaction should you expect from others: “It is not scary, this happens to everyone… For the happiness! Nonsense, now we will remove”. And now imagine to yourself that you will hear the phrase which you tell your child on such the occasions: “Well, you are a cuckoo!” “Perhaps, your hands do not grow from there” “What a pig you are! And etc.” Is it a shame? But why do we think that we can offend our children, and the adults – no? Don’t they have the equal rights in this regard? No, not equal. Any adult has a big great experience, and the child is just learning. And this is a norm that is in the order of the things, he has something not to get, something to crack, something to spill and something to break.

Four the basic reasons of the violation of the children’s behavior were allocated by the psychologists including their reluctance to fulfill the requirements of the adults.

1. The lack of the attention. A child does not get the amount of the attention he needs. The parents do not often have the time, the forces, the energy, the patience so that take the time for any games, the conversations and the lessons with their child, but in order to scold and punish him, they will always find it.

 

The father walks with the two-years-old son. The boy is playing in the sandbox; suddenly he takes a handful of the sand and throws at his father. “Do not make it. You must not do it!” – the father said to his son. But the kid smiles and chucks it again. “Do not make it, but I will flog!” – the boy’s father said raising his voice. The baby repeats this trick once more. The father does his threat with the anger.

 

Try to imagine to yourself what the father feels. He is offended and perplexed why the child behaves this way. He was also ashamed that other parents, walking in the yard, has seen how he spanked the sonny and thought what the father was bad.

And what does the child feel after that? At first the kid invites his father to play together, but the father has talked to the neighbour. Then the baby threw the sand and the father stopped talking at once paying the attention to him. But instead of laughing the father yelled and slapped the kid. Otherwise let us understand this situation in detail. Do not you think that the situation described above is somewhat absurd? In my opinion as a writer or a translator of this psychological book I disagree with these people who have written and published it before. What can the laughter be? How can this be that the child threw the handful of the sand to the adult person and ought not to be punished? You should teach your kid to treat the adults with the respect having said one or some weighty phrases with the frown: “Wait for me a little”, “I am busy now”, “Keep patient”. You should tell these phrases as many times as possible that is until your tongue gets tired of saying these expressions. Make sure that your child could understand you. This all depends on you, dear parents. Your child is in your hands and in power. You gave birth to him, you know your child more than others. You know how to put the pressure on him to obey you. As this had previously noted in this book, that the child is the same as you, only small with their beliefs and the views on the life, but easy managed, controlled by you and understanding exactly at this age. And if you cannot manage with the child then there is still three ways out of the situation is 1) apologizing to the neighbour and go to the child – take his little hand in your one and shake the sand out of his hands; 2) remembering the SSR education (the union of the Soviet socialist republics), that is the Spartan education. Holding the child’s hands, look into his eyes and try to read what is written in his eyes. 3) To put the child in the corner: he must always know the particular place of the punishment. Try to be patient yourself without getting hysterical. But no matter what keep your hands off the child.

2. The struggle for approving. The child displays his independence with the disobedience and his choice protesting against the excessive parental care. This happens in that case when the parents try to warn every step of their kid.

3. The desire to revenge. We do not sometimes notice that one or other our action has shaken the baby’s faith in us, caused harm to the trust and the purity of our relationships. You promised something and did not fulfill it and agreed not to tell anyone, but immediately on the phone: And mine is...” If you punished unjustly the child or did not listen to his explanation and then the kid begins to act on the principle: “You did wrong me, and I will do the same to you”.