Do not punish the child in a hurry, first try to “cool down”, calm down, analyze the depth of the action, choosing an adequate punishment.

 

About the punishment with the isolation

 

In many schools and the families, so-called “the time-out” is used as the punishment, when the child is excluded from common classes for a short period and both none of the children and the adults pay the attention to him at this time. This method should be used calmly having explained the reason for the punishment to the child. According to some researchers, such a measure of the influence does not cause neither the physical harm nor the emotional one to the child (Hawkins, nineteen seventy-seven, Park, nineteen seventy-seven).

But it is hardly be able to judge the possible consequences so clearly. The children who participate in the punishment of their friend can somehow not empathize with him. One punishment brings the joy to another, and upsets others. In addition, the children tend to imitate the actions of the adults, and now they declare a boycott to the one who is most often punished by the teacher themselves. For them, “turning off the game” becomes the most common way of displaying the cruelty. Here it is impossible not to remember the famous story of V. Zheleznyakov “Scarecrow”, in the final of which the Iron Button shouts “Then I am myself for everybody! Everyone! I declare the boycott!”

 

A first-class pupil answering the question: “What is the most frightening thing for you?” wrote that the most terrible thing for him is when his mother does not talk to him.

 

In addition, do not forget about the individual differences of the children. If the child is isolated and suffers from the claustrophobia, then this punishment turns into the most severe torture and can provoke a nervous attack or other severe consequences.

 

About the oral punishments

 

It would seem that this type of the punishment can be considered the most lenient, not bringing much harm. And it is difficult to imagine a parent who would never in his life shouted at his child, did not insult him, and did not swear at him. (But I would like to believe personally that there are such the parents.)

And after all. We are dealing primarily with an affective reaction, not an educational measure. We yell and swear because we have trouble at work, or a headache, or we were rude in the store. Just because we cannot help it. And should be it. Because there is no educational role of the phrase, like that “Again, everything is ruined!”, “All because of you!”, “Forever you...”they cannot play. They cause the children either a respond with the anger, the denial, the aggression, or the depression, the despondency, or the frustration. After all, an adult is a huge authority for a child. And everything he says is perceived as the ultimate truth. All children take all our statements on faith, they think: “I guess I really am “my mother’s grief”, “an idiot”, “a fool” and so on, and it is unlikely that anything good will come out of me.” In other words, the low self-esteem is developed at the child, which, in turn, creates the new problems.

 

In a family of the attractive girl “for the educational purposes” the day after the day they said she was ugly. She was so self-conscious about herself. Hence the hunched shoulders, the frightened look. Later an unhappy family life, in which the relationship with her husband is built “who else I can be needed”. And the deep sadness of the parents what the daughter is so unlucky from…

 

THE ATTENTION! Try to pay your attention at the positive qualities of your kid. Praise him. Thus you make the additional motivation for the fact that the baby direct with the motto: “I will do well and I will not badly”.

 

By the way the frequent threats that are not carried out in reducing the authority of the parent to nothing.

And another small addition. The psychologists recommend that the parents remember themselves as often as possible in the childhood and tell their children about it. At the same time, remember everything as it is, do not embellish and even more so do not lie.

The children usually listen to such the stories with the great interest. And this is a very useful educational moment. The child correlates his mistakes with yours and understands that he is not alone in this, that he is not the worst, not the biggest loser and etc. And he feels your support and the understanding. The children’s writer Alexander Ruskin has such the wonderful book “How the father was little”. It was born from the stories that the writer told his sick daughter about his childhood. Here is what he writes: “She liked that the father was also small, too naughty and did not listen and he was also punished. I chose the funnier stories, because I needed to cheer up the sick girl. And I also tried to make my daughter understand how wrong it is to be greedy, boastful and an arrogant. But this does not mean that I have been like this all my life, I have just tried to remember only such the cases. And when I did not have enough, I took them from other dads I knew. After all, each of them was also once small”.

Read this book altogether with your child and maybe many problems will be decided by themselves and anybody will be not had to punish by you.