The eldest child in the family

The first child completely belonged to all your love in the family for some time. As a result, when he has his brother or his sister, he inevitably becomes jealous. The jealousy can already manifest itself during the mother’s pregnancy. When the younger child grows up, it can cause the quarrels between the children.

The older one wants to go back to those times very much when all the love and the affection belonged to him, when he enjoyed the advantages that have passed to the younger one now. His behavior begins to be dominated with either the sadness or the aggression.

You sometimes can hear from the elder children these words: “we must throw him out!”, “We need to get him back.”

How to behave with the older child in such the cases?

Explain to him that the adults tend to take more care of the younger kids because they are still helpless, but this does not mean that your attitude has changed towards him that is you still love him and will always love him.

 

Teach the older one to take care of the younger one. Be sure to praise him for his care and help, so that he does not regret his efforts. And do not forget that even though the younger child takes a lot of your attention, you should not neglect the older one.

 

 

The youngest child

The younger kid is not as jealous as the older one in the family, because he is already bathed in the love and the affection. But he can also have a reason for jealousy, which will lead to the quarrel between the children then.

The jealousy, as a rule, arises from the envy that is the younger child is jealous of everything that the older one can already do, and he cannot yet do. He will do everything for the fact that to be on a par with the older one, who is perceived as an obstacle on the way to the goal. I know not many cases when the relationship between the children was formed in this way.

 

Not so long ago, I was approached by the parents of four-years-old Sasha and five-years-old Andrew. When the youngest son was born, Andrew was jealous a little, because everyone’s attention switched to Sasha. But soon he starts helping his parents very much to take care of his brother. However, as soon as the youngest one grew up, the problems began that is the boys who got along with each other suddenly broke loose. As soon as the parents turned away, the quarrels broke out immediately. They usually ended the fact that Sasha was running to complain about his “bad” older brother. In addition, he did not miss an opportunity any ever to once again say that Andrew had done something illegal, even if this did not concern him personally. At the same time, he often boasted of his success. The bragging was clearly excessive, but the parents forgave it to their favorite. Andrew also changed not for the better that is he became restless, hot-tempered, some kind of nervous and began to conflict with his younger brother. The adults could not understand the reasons what was happening. In fact, as it turned out to be quite simple.

The younger one, believing that he had less the rights than the older one, was eager to grow up as soon as possible so that he could get the same advantages as the older one. At the same time, he wanted to keep a privileged position in the family very much to remain the youngest favourite, which everyone spoiled.

 

Do not rush to scold the younger child for the quarrels with his brother or his sister. Understand that he is plagued with the contradictions that are on the one hand, he wants to grow up quickly and enjoys the same advantages as the older child; on the other hand, he is afraid that, as an adult, he will lose the parental love.

 

Let him know that you are glad to see how he is growing that you are happy with his success; explain that as he gets older, he will not lose your love.