How to choose a college That's right for you

by Martha O'Connell

The college search doesn't have to begin and end with the Ivies and the name brand schools. There are many schools out there to choose from – some known and some less known, all worthy of your attention. Here's some advice for trying to find the school that works for you.

1. Start with who you are and why you are going.

You need to examine yourself and your reasons for going to college before you start your search. Why, really, are you going? What are your abilities and strengths? What are your weaknesses? What do you want out of life – something tangible or intangible?

Are you socially self-sufficient or do you need warm, familial support? Talk with your family, friends and high-school counselors as you ask these questions. The people who know you best can help you the most with these important issues.

2. Size matters: Your college does not have to be bigger than your high school.

Most good liberal arts colleges have a population of fewer than 4,000 for a reason; college is a time to explore, and a smaller community is more conducive to internal exploration. It is not the number of people, but the people themselves and the kind of community in which you will learn that really matters. Many large universities have established “honors colleges” within the larger university for these same reasons.

3. A name-brand college will not guarantee your success.

Think about the people in your life who are happy and successful and find out where (and if) they went to college. Ask the same about “famous” people. You will likely find that success in life has less to do with the choice of college than with the experiences and opportunities encountered while in college, coupled with personal qualities and traits.

Employers and graduate schools are looking for outstanding skills and experience, not college pedigree. As you search for colleges, ask about student outcomes; you will find many colleges that outperform the Ivies and “name brands,” even though you may have never heard of them! Visit the National Survey of Student Engagement (NSSE) for help on sorting through the information and for great questions to ask when visiting and choosing a college.

4. You don't need to pick a major to pick a college.

Very few high-school students have enough information or experience to choose a major. You need the variety and depth of college coursework to determine your interest and aptitude. Most college students change their minds two or three times before they settle on a major, and they can still graduate in four years! Being undecided is a good thing and will leave you open to more academic experiences.

5. Don't be scared by the stories.

If you only pay attention to the headlines, you might start to believe that “no one is getting in anywhere!” The truth is that the majority of the colleges and universities in this country admit more students than they reject. If you're worried about your chances of getting admitted – and you're willing to investigate beyond the very narrow band of highly selective colleges – you'll find that you have many options that will lead to a great fit for you.

Be informed about your academic profile and compare it to the profile of the most recently admitted and enrolled class for the colleges you are investigating. Check the college admission Web site for this information and contact them if you can't find it. Ask your high-school counselor for additional advice and guidance as it applies to your school.

6. You can afford to go to college.

If you make the assumption that you cannot afford college based on the “sticker price” of tuition, you will miss out. It is difficult to talk about money, but if you investigate all the options and ask for help and advice, you will find affordable choices. Online resources, as well as financial aid workshops sponsored by high schools in local communities, are widely available to get you started. College and university financial aid Web sites offer useful information and links as well. Investigate early and ask for help.

7. You don't have to go to college right away, and it's never too late.

There is no such thing as the perfect time to start college. Some students benefit from a year off to work, study or travel, and these experiences allow them to be better, more engaged students. Some students choose to apply to college and gain admission and then defer their entrance, while others wait to apply until after they have had an alternative experience.

Either way, admissions officers will be anxious to learn about your experience during your time off, and they'll ask you to write about it as part of your admissions process. High-school and college admission counselors can provide resources for investigating alternatives that may be right for you. You could apply for an internship, study abroad, or participate in a community service project.

8. The most important factor in choosing a college is fit.

Choosing a college because your friends are going there or because of where it ranks on a list does not take into account who you are and who you will become. College is a match to be made, not a prize to be won. Finding a good fit requires time and thoughtfulness.

Visiting college Web sites and learning about what events take place, who visits as guest speakers, and how to get in touch with current students and faculty is a good way to supplement a campus visit – or to decide if you want to spend the time and money on a visit. Check a school's Web site to find the admissions officer assigned to your region of the country. Send them an e-mail to ask about getting in touch with students from your area or identifying a few with interests similar to yours.

When you visit, try to build in time to sit in on classes, eat in the dining hall and hang around in the student center or other high-traffic areas. That will help you imagine yourself as part of the community. Talk to a few students and ask if they would make the same college choice if they had to do it again. Go back to the first item in this list as you consider the information you've collected about the colleges. You will have great options!

 

SOCIAL CUSTOMS

Many of the social and behavioral aspects of everyday life vary greatly from country to country. Some students might find it initially difficult to understand the way Americans behave and what they really mean to say when they use certain phrases. It is difficult to generalize about U.S. social customs, but the following practices are fairly standard.

Greetings

“How do you do,” “Good morning,” “Good afternoon,” and “Good evening” are formal greetings; usually people will usually simply say “Hi” or “Hello.”

Upon meeting each other for the first time, men always shake hands, firmly. Women often shake hands with people they meet, but it is not universal. Upon leaving, Americans will usually say “Good-bye” or simply “Bye.” More expressive salutations include “Have a nice day,” “Nice to see you,” or “See you later.”

Good friends, family members, or people in a romantic relationship might give each other a hug or even kiss upon meeting one another. This kind of greeting is reserved only for people who know each other very well and share a very close relationship.

Remember that social customs might vary in different parts of the country and between younger and older people.

Use of Names

First names are more readily used in the United States than in other countries. It is almost always acceptable to use the first name of someone of approximately your same age or younger as soon as you meet the person.

You should say “Mr.” (for men) or “Ms.” (for women) and the person's last name when talking to people in positions of authority, your professors, or your elders, unless they ask you to call them by their first name.

Some American women prefer to be called “Ms.” (pronounced “mizz”) rather than “Miss” or “Mrs.” This is a neutral form of address that can be used for married and unmarried women and can be useful if you do not know the marital status of the woman you are talking or writing to.

It is not the custom in the United States to use “Mr.,” “Mrs.,” “Miss,” or “Ms.” with a first or given name. For example, if you meet someone whose name is Larry Jones, you would say “Mr. Jones” and not “Mr. Larry.”

The use of nicknames is fairly common in the United States. Being called by a nickname is not uncomplimentary if done in good taste, and is often considered as a sign of acceptance and affection.

Do not be shy to ask people how they would like you to call them and to say what you would like them to call you. This will make introductions easier.

Friendliness and Friendships

Americans are reputed to be friendly people. It is not uncommon for Americans to be informal and casual, even with perfect strangers. When in the United States, do not be surprised if somebody you do not know says “Hi!” to you for no reason. However, there is a difference between friendliness and friendships. As in any culture, it takes time for friendships and close relationships to form.

Americans' friendships tend to be shorter and more casual than friendships among people from some other cultures. It is not uncommon for Americans to have only one close friendship during their lifetime and to consider other friends to be merely social acquaintances. This attitude probably has something to do with American mobility and the fact that Americans do not like to be dependent on other people. They tend to compartmentalize friendships, having “friends at work,” “friends on the basketball team,” and “family friends,” for example. Here are some other characteristics of Americans' behavior in social situations:

Americans might refer to acquaintances or people they meet in class as “friends.” However, there are different levels of friendship, and even if they call these people friends, they do not always have close emotional ties to them.

In the United States, people often will ask, “How are you?” or “How are you doing?” when you meet them. These are usually polite phrases more than personal questions, and they do not always expect an honest answer. If you are well acquainted with this person, you might say how you truly are feeling. If not, the accepted response is usually “Fine, thank you. How are you?” even if you are not feeling very well.

Americans often communicate with touch, by putting a hand on somebody's shoulder to express warmth of feeling, by giving a nudge to express humor, or a pat on the back to express reassurance. Often they will hug when meeting. These friendly gestures are common and should not be interpreted as intrusive or disrespectful.

Even if Americans tend to touch each other more often than in some other cultures, they usually maintain a relatively large physical distance between one another during conversations or social meetings. Everybody has a different “comfort zone” around them; do not be offended if an American takes a step back as you approach him or her in a conversation.

Men and women often have long-term platonic relationships, which can surprise some foreign visitors. People of the opposite sex might go to the movies, a restaurant, a concert, or other event together without ever being romantically involved.

Americans generally enjoy welcoming people into their homes and are pleased if you accept their hospitality. Do not hesitate or feel uncomfortable to accept invitations, even if you cannot reciprocate – they know you are away from home and will not expect you to do so.

Participating in campus life is a good way to make friends. Every university offers various organizations, committees, sports clubs, academic societies, religious groups, and other activities where everyone with an interest can take part.

As in any culture, it takes time to make good friends. Just be patient, try to meet as many people as possible, and with time you may form friendships while in the United States that could last a lifetime.

Because the United States is a highly active society, full of movement and change, people always seem to be on the go. In this highly charged atmosphere, Americans can sometimes seem brusque or impatient. They want to get to know you as quickly as possible and then move on to something else. Sometimes, early on, they will ask you questions that you may feel are very personal. No insult is intended; the questions usually grow out of their genuine interest or curiosity and their impatience to get to the heart of the matter. And the same goes for you. If you do not understand certain American behavior or you want to know more about what makes Americans “tick,” do not hesitate to ask them questions about themselves. Americans are usually eager to explain all about their country or anything American in which you might be interested. So much so in fact, that you may become tired of listening. Americans also tend to be uncomfortable with silence during a conversation. They would rather talk about the weather or the latest sports scores, for example, than deal with silence.

On the other hand, do not expect Americans to be knowledgeable about international geography or world affairs unless something directly involves the United States. Because the United States is geographically distant from many other nations, some Americans tend not to be aware of what goes on in other parts of the world.

Social Invitations

Americans tend to be very polite people. This is often expressed in conversations. It is common for an American to end a conversation by saying: “Let's get together sometime,” “Come by for a visit when you have a chance,” or “Let's meet for coffee.” However, these invitations are usually not intended to be taken literally. An invitation is not firm unless a time and place is set.

If you have accepted an invitation or if a meeting has been set, Americans usually expect you to arrive at the agreed location at the right time. It is considered impolite to accept an invitation and not show up or to arrive more than 10 to 20 minutes late. Americans tend to be quite punctual. If you have to cancel an appointment or know that you will not be able to be on time, you should call your friend or host to cancel or reschedule.

If you are invited to a person's home for a party or dinner, it would be a good idea to ask if this will be a formal, semiformal, or casual occasion, since the way you dress can be considered important for certain events.

When formally invited to someone's home, it is considerate to bring a gift to your host. Common gifts are a bottle of wine, a box of chocolates, or flowers. No gift is expected when friends visit each other casually.

Thank your host or hostess when you leave. It is considerate to send a thank you note as well or to telephone your thanks the following day.

Dating and Relationships

For many international students, American dating and relationship rituals can be one of the most difficult things to understand. Unlike many other cultures, American culture does not have an accepted pattern of behavior that regulates romantic relationships. While not universally true, you may find the following general comments useful.

Men and women generally treat each other as equals and in an informal, casual way. There is often friendly teasing between men and women.

Traditionally, men ask women on dates, but it is considered acceptable for a woman to ask a man out.

Expenses on a date are sometimes paid by one person or sometimes split between the two. The man will usually offer to pay but will usually not protest if the woman offers to pay in part.

Going on a date in American society is to express the desire to get to know the other person better. It does not assume any kind of sexual involvement. It is unacceptable – and in some cases even criminal – to impose one's sexual desires on another person. Make sure you respect the other person's wishes and, likewise, make sure you are not forced to do something you do not want to do.