Should She or Shouldn't She?

Dear Ann Landers,

My parents and I have been carrying on a running argument for three months. Will you please try to see all sides of the question and answer it honestly?

My boyfriend and I have been going together for over a year. We plan to get married when he finds a job he really likes. I am working but I live at home and have to play room and board.

I want to move out of my parents' house and live with my fiancé. We could make it financially with my check added to his. My folks are against it. They say it is immoral. We say it's sensible. We just might find out after we live together awhile that we don't like each other well enough to spend the rest of our lives together.

Isn't it better to shack up for a time than to get married, find out you've made a mistake and then get a divorce? How else can two people really learn all about one another's little quirks? What do you say?

M. and B.

Vocabulary

a running argument

to see all sides of the question

room and board

fiancé

to make it

(im)moral

sensible

to shack up

a divorce

a quirk

 

Factual questions

1. How long have the writer and her parents been arguing?

2. What is the first question she asks Ann Landers?

3. How long have M and B been going together?

4. When do they plan to marry?

5. Where is the girl living now?

6. What does she want to do? Why?

7. What do her parents think of the idea?

8. What questions does the girl ask?

 

Cultural notes

1. A change in moral attitudes has occurred in the United States during the last 25 or 30 years. In the past very few couples considered it respectable to live together before marriage. Accurate statistics are difficult to obtain, but the idea has now become common enough so that most people are no longer shocked, although they may still disagree about its appropriateness. Do you think the attitudes of M and B (the younger generation) and the parents (the older generation) are characteristic of the American population as a whole?

2. This girl is working but she is living at home. Her parents have asked her to contribute to the household expenses. Do you think this is often done in American families? What reasons might there be for such an arrangement?

Discussion

1. In your country, if you were working but living at home, would you be expected to pay for your room and board?

2. Is it possible for a young unmarried couple in your country to live together? Is there a difference in attitude between the younger and the older generations?

3. The writer of this letter argues that living together before marriage is sensible. Her parents argue that it is immoral. Why are they not likely to come to an agreement?

 

 

Writing

Write a reply, as if you were Ann Landers, in which you answer the girl's question:

"What do you say?"

From the desk of Ann Landers

 

 

Vocabulary

evidence

a survey

to play house

a ceremony

to tend

to file (a divorce)

 

 

Discussion

1. Ann Landers refers directly to the parents' moral argument by making an undefined distinction between "shacking up" and "being married." Her main argument, however, is based on statistical information which challenges the "sensible" viewpoint of the girl. Do you think this is the answer she expected or hoped for? Has Ann Landers tried "to see all sides of this question and answer it honestly"?

2. What attitudes does Ann Landers reveal by using an image of childhood behavior: "play house before the ceremony"?

Situation 5.

Housework IS Work

Dear Ann Landers,

We have three children, eight, seven, and five years of age. I am busy cleaning, cooking, baking, marketing, doing the laundry, mending, canning, taking care of the yard, and keeping two cars washed and waxed. I drive the kids to Sunday school, piano lessons, dental appointments, etc.

I am not complaining, Ann. I actually enjoy my life, but my husband is making me miserable with his insistence that I go out and get a job. He keeps yelling, "Everybody's wife is working but you!"

Do I have to get pregnant again so he'll let me stay home? Please tell me if I am "not up on the latest," as my husband insists. I feel awfully inadequate.

Lima, Ohio Problem

Vocabulary

 

marketing

the laundry

mending

canning

waxed

dental appointments

to complain

miserable

insistence

pregnant

to be up on the latest

inadequate

 

Factual questions

1. How many children does this woman have? How old are they?

2. Name some of the things she has to do as a housewife.

3. Does she like doing these things?

4. What does her husband want her to do? Why? Do they need

the extra money?

5. Is she pregnant again?

6. Why does she feel "awfully inadequate"?

Cultural note

Is the husband exaggerating when he says that "everybody's wife is working"? Find out how many women in the United States held some kind of job outside the home in 1980.

 

Language use

"Everybody's wife is working but you" is a generalization. This is a common technique of argument. To generalize means to form an opinion on the basis of only a few facts. The husband has not actually counted the number of wives working. He simply generalizes from a small number of cases that he knows about.

Here are some common generalizations you may hear. How true do you think each one really is?

Women are the world's worst drivers.

There's no fool like an old fool.

The French are great lovers.

There are more beautiful girls in Texas than in any other state.

You can't teach an old dog new tricks.

 

Discussion

1. Do you think it is a good idea for a mother of three children—5, 7, and 8—to work outside of the home?

2. Child-care centers are increasingly common in the United States. These are places in the local community where pre-school children can be taken care of while the mother is working. Are child-care centers necessary, or available, in your country?

3. In your country are wives expected or allowed to work? Does a husband feel embarrassed or ashamed if his wife has a paying job outside the home? Does a wife feel embarrassed or ashamed if she as well as her husband works?

Writing

Write a letter, as if you here Ann Landers, in which you state your opinion about the problem from Lima, Ohio.

 

From the desk of Ann Landers

 

 

 

Vocabulary

to shell out

semi-conscious

a rubber band

snap out of it

 

Cultural note

Ann Landers is mistaken about the date when Lincoln freed the slaves. Lincoln issued the Emancipation Proclamation in the middle of the Civil War on January 1, 1863. Slavery was not completely ended until the Thirteenth Amendment to the Constitution was adopted in 1865. Does this mistake affect your opinion of Ann Landers?

Discussion

1. Is it fair to equate a wife and mother with a slave?

2. How do you suppose Ann Landers arrived at the figure of $50,000 a year? What do you think Mr. Money-Hungry's response to this figure will be?

 

SITUATION 6.

Male Mixes up mail

Dear Ann Landers,

Don't chew me out. Just tell me what to do. I have two “best” girls, one in the Midwest, another here in town. The in-town girl is visiting relatives on the West Coast.

I wrote to them both last night. It was late and I was tired. After I wrote the letters, I decided to walk to the corner and drop them in the mailbox.

This morning I have a terrible feeling that I put the letter to the blonde in the envelope addressed to the redhead. The redhead is really Numero Uno and if she receives the blonde's letter, I am in real trouble. Can you think of something I can do before the bomb drops?

 

Dunderheads

Factual questions

1. How many "best" girls does the writer have?

2. Where does each one live?

3. Why did he write to the girl who lives in his hometown?

4. What did he do after he wrote the letters?

5. What does he think may have happened?

Language use

1. What is the style of this letter? Direct? Casual? Why would the writer use this style?

2. How old do you think the letter writer is? What expressions does he use that support this?

Discussion

1. What does the writer want Ann Landers to tell him?

2. What is the writer really worried about? Losing both girl friends? Looking stupid?

3. What do you think the boy will do if "the bomb drops"?

4. What suggestions do you have for Dunderhead—in case the bomb does drop?

5. What is the obvious way to avoid this kind of mistake?

6. What kind of person do you think Dunderhead is? Would you want him as a friend? A boyfriend?

Vocabulary

to chew someone out

Numero Uno

a dunderhead

From the desk of Ann Landers

Discussion

1. Do you feel that Ann Landers' reply will disappoint Dunderhead? Why? What kind of advice did he want?

2. Can you think of something that Dunderhead might do?

Writing

A. Assume that you have mixed up two letters in the same way as Dunderhead. The first envelope, addressed to your best friend, should contain a letter in which you have written a very detailed account of your first date with a new girl/boy. The second envelope, addressed to your old girl/boyfriend, should contain a letter explaining why you can't come visit that weekend. Write both letters.

B. Using Dunderhead's letter as a model, write a letter to Ann Landers asking for advice. Assume that you have mixed up two letters in the same way as Dunderhead. Decide what their contents might be. (For example. Letter 1 might be a highly personal letter about your spouse, written to a very close friend. Letter 2 might be a thank-you note to your gossipy neighbors for their contributions to a local charity.) Write Ann Landers for advice. Assume that you are a middle-aged, middle-class citizen. Use a formal style of writing that contrasts with the informal style of Dunderhead.

 

SITUATION 7.

Dieting Diners Hurt Hostess

Dear Ann Landers,

I had a dinner party recently and invited five couples, I worked hard because I wanted everything to be just right.

Two of my guests brought their own "dinner" in a jar. It was some kind of diet concoction. I was angry and thought they had a lot of nerve accepting my dinner invitation when they knew they weren't going to eat anything. I told them how hard I had worked preparing the dinner and urged them to "fall off the wagon" for just that meal, but they wouldn't do it.

I finally decided to be a good sport, but deep down I was hurt. What do you think of such guests, and how would you have handled it?

Still Burning

Factual questions

1. How many people were invited to the writer's dinner party?

2. What did two of the guests bring? Why?

3. How did the writer feel?

4. What did she try to do first?

5. What question does she ask Ann Landers?

Language use

1. The writer encloses the word dinner within quotation marks. Why does she do this? How does she feel about her guests' diet concoction?

2. The original idiom "to be on the (water) wagon" means to refrain from drinking alcoholic beverages. In this letter, the idiom has been extended. Why are the two guests "on the wagon"? What are they refraining from? What does their hostess urge them to do?

Vocabulary

a jar

diet

a concoction

to have a lot of nerve

to fall off the wagon

a good sport

Still Burning

 

 

Discussion

1. Was it fair or polite of the hostess to encourage her guests to give up their diet especially for her dinner?

2. The writer says she was "a good sport." What does she mean? When are you a good sport?

3. The writer admits that she was angry and hurt. Apparently her anger continued, since she signed her letter "Still Burning." Do you think her anger was justified?

4. Assume that there are certain foods which, for health or religious reasons, you can't eat. What should you do if you are invited to someone's home for dinner?

 

From the desk of Ann Landers

Vocabulary

inconspicuously

to stick to something

Discussion

1. Do you think the writer will be satisfied with Ann Landers' answer? Explain.

2. Ann Landers says she wouldn't want to make her guests "feel guilty." How could she avoid this?

 

SITUATION 8.