Effects of Low Self-Esteem in Children 


Мы поможем в написании ваших работ!



ЗНАЕТЕ ЛИ ВЫ?

Effects of Low Self-Esteem in Children



Effects of Low Self-Esteem in Children

by SUSAN REVERMANN

Your child’s self-esteem reflects how he feels about himself and contributes to how he approaches the world. Although his level of self-esteem can vary slightly from day to day, he has a general feeling about his value and self-worth. Low self-esteem will be reflected in his behavior, body language, approach to life and overall demeanor.

If a child has low-self esteem, she likely doesn’t feel comfortable around new people or situations. Photo Credit Polka Dot Images/Polka Dot/Getty Images

If a child has low-self esteem, she likely doesn’t feel comfortable around new people or situations. If this is the case, she may feel awkward and tend to avoid anything unfamiliar. Often, she will be hesitant to take risks or move out of her comfort zone. With this type of behavior, the child may miss valuable social opportunities and situations where she could learn and grow from a new experience.

He may be overly critical of the skills he possesses or how he looks. Photo Credit Nick White/Photodisc/Getty Images

A lack of confidence often goes hand in hand with low self-esteem. You may notice your child talking negatively about himself and his abilities. He may be overly critical of the skills he possesses or how he looks. He probably uses pessimistic phrasing about the world in general. Joe Navarro, former FBI counterintelligence agent and author, points out in an article for "Psychology Today" that body language, such as slumped shoulders, sad facial expression and downcast eyes, will show a low level of confidence without a person even saying a word.

Lack of Effort

A child with low self-esteem may view herself as being unskilled or incapable of completing tasks. If she actually attempts a new activity but fails, she may just give up and walk away. A child with a higher level of self-esteem is more likely to be confident enough to try again even if the first attempt didn’t work. To encourage your child to keep trying, the American Psychological Association suggests praising your child for her efforts, not for her personal qualities.

The Emotional Toll

Child therapists and counselors can help your child develop some coping strategies and problem-solving techniques. Photo Credit Stockbyte/Stockbyte/Getty Images

A child with low self-esteem may experience any number of negative emotions. Unhappiness, depression, anxiety, shame, anger and hostility can come with the territory. If talking to your child and working with him doesn’t seem to help alleviate the issue, you may want to get some professional help for your child. Child therapists and counselors can help your child develop some coping strategies and problem-solving techniques.

ACTIVITIES FOR DEVELOPING CHILDREN’S SELF-ESTEEM

Bag Those Negative Messages

Have students blow up a small balloon. On the blown up balloon have students write everything they do not like about themselves. On a paper lunch bag have students list everything they like about themselves. Have the students place the balloon inside the bag. As a class have all the students stand up and place their bagged balloons on their seats. Have them all sit down at the same time, popping their balloons as they sit.

 

My Self Esteem”

Have students write their names: I am M - agnificent

A - ble

R - espectful

Y - our friend

Compliment Notes

Give your child sticky notes with the following sentences are written:
Amy, you are good at....
Bobby, I like the way you....
Tommy, you are special because....

Special Candy Game

Helpsgroup to get to know each other and to have each member of the group think about things that are special and unique about themselves - they also find out things that they might have in common with others in the group

Methods:

· Have participants sit in a circle

· Give each person 10 pieces of candy

· Go around the circle and have each person name one thing in their life that they think is special or some talent or ability that they possess

· As each person says what they want to say, the other members of the group throw that person a piece of candy if that is not something that they have in common with that individual

Example: I say, "I can play the piano." If you can also play the piano you do nothing, but if you cannot play the piano you throw me a piece of candy

· You should try to encourage the members of the group who are having a hard time thinking of something, as there should hopefully always be something to find in a persons life that is good

· The game should hopefully end at a point where all members have the same amounts of candy again or at least where everyone has some so that no one feels left out - this up to the leader

 

Advertising

Introduce the group to advertisements. Talk about their purpose and the method in which ads get the message across - visually and with words. Ads promote the positive aspects of a product, the finer qualities. Ads also persuade a person into buying the product. The individual's task in this project is to come up with and advertisement persuading someone to be their friend. Individuals should depict positive aspects of themselves through pictures, words, or a combination of the two.

If an individual has a difficult time thinking of reasons someone would want to be their friend, have them think of characteristics they look for in a friend. At the end of the session have participants share advertisements with one another. Let other participants confirm the positive qualities of the presenter.

The Self-esteem Gauntlet

Form two lines with participants facing each other. Have one person walk or skip in between the two lines and "run" the gauntlet. As the person walks through the line, others pat him on the back, give them "high 5" or a hug, share kind words, or smile at them. Encourage the person to go through the gauntlet slowly and to listen to the words and gestures given to him.

Expected Outcome: good feelings about self, feeling good at giving others compliments, increased self-esteem, group cohesion.

 

Just The Way You Are

1. Listen to "Just The Way You Are" while patients/clients follow along with printed lyric sheet.

2. Discuss the lyrics.

3. Have each student write their name at the top of a piece of paper.

4. Pass it to the person on their right.

5. Have them write 2-3 positive comments, descriptors of the person whose paper they have.

6. Continue to pass papers until each student has their original paper back.

7. Have the student read their paper aloud.

8. Discuss.

Other suitable songs: S.Gomes “Who Says”, W.Houston “Hero”, Nickelblack “When We Stand Together”, N.Bedingfield “Unwritten”, Ch.Aguilera “Beautiful”, B.Morley “Don’t Worry Be Happy”, Ch.James “Magnificent”, T.Turner “Simply The Best”

 

The Compliment Game

This game is good to play when you have a group of children, especially if they tend to have a lot of personality conflicts.

· Give each child a piece of paper. Ask him or her to tear the paper into pieces -- one for each child in the group.

· On each piece of paper, he should write name, then list all of the positive characteristics he can think of about. Try to have them focus on personality traits and behaviors, not physical attributes.

· When they have completed their lists, they should put all of them into a box. One of the children in the class can read aloud all of the positive comments about each child. The children are usually very surprised at how many great things are said about them.

· If they would like, they can keep their lists in a folder or notebook. Then, when they're feeling a little down about themselves, they can read about how wonderful other people think they are, and this will help when building self-confidence.

 

Picturing Self-Esteem

This is something that can be tailored for children of all ages and is good for a group.

· Ask them to draw a picture of what they think self-esteem looks like or feels like.

· Encourage them to be as simple or complex as they want and set an agreed-upon time for them to do their drawing.

· When all the children are done, each one can discuss his or her own work with the others in the group.

 

Letter to Myself

This activity allows a child to express his feelings, thoughts and dreams to himself in a letter. Encourage him to write down several goals he wants to accomplish by the end of the school year. Save the letters and give them to him before summer break; review with him how much he was able to accomplish in just one year.

The idea of this activity is to have a child work toward a goal and realize he's a capable human being. It might be helpful to review the letters prior to the end of the school year, especially for a child struggling with self-esteem issues.

 

Interview Your Classmate

Break your students into groups of two. Set a timer for five to 10 minutes and have each student "interview" the other person, asking questions and getting to know her. You could develop a specific set of questions, but this usually works better if a child is given the opportunity to create the dialogue (but have the questions as icebreakers, just in case.) Pair up two opposite personalities or children who may have previously struggled to get along. Have each student present to the class a few things they learned about their classmate when time is up.

The concept of this activity is to show a child he has things in common with another person. It also helps develop and strengthen empathy and communication skills, as the child needs to listen to the other person to present information to the class.

 

Brochure About Me

Make a tri-fold brochure with colored paper. Each child should decorate the front of the brochure with her name. List categories on the whiteboard such as "one of my talents" or "my biggest accomplishment". Tell the students to fill in the answers to the categories on the inside of the brochure. Reassure the children that although the class will pass the brochure around, nobody will be reading what is written on the inside. Once everyone is finished, provide each child with a sticker to seal his brochure. Then students pass the brochures clockwise around the class. Each child checks the name on the front of the brochure, then writes something positive about that person on the back of the brochure. Continue passing the brochures around until everyone has written a comment about each student. Children keep the brochures for positive reinforcement.

 

Personal Control

Have a class discussion on Eleanor Roosevelt's statement that, "No one can make you feel inferior without your permission." Ask the class to discuss if this is a true statement. Identify what ways people make themselves feel inferior. Instruct students to consider situations when other people have tried to make them feel inferior and how they handled it. Have the class list techniques people might use to prevent low self-esteem.

"About Me" Collage

This activity is a good way to focus a child's attention on those characteristics that make her special. You will need poster board, scissors, glue, photographs and old magazines.
Have the child think for a moment about good aspects of her life and personality or hopes and dreams she has. The child should then find words or pictures from magazines or photos to symbolize those things. Glue these to the poster board to make a collage. The child can draw things on the poster or add glitter glue, pipe-cleaners, clip art or anything else available. Anything the child places on the collage should focus solely on her positive traits. When it is finished, have the child explain what each thing on the poster represents and then hang it in a place where it will be seen every day. This will be a positive reminder of all the things that make the child special and unique and the reasons why the child should feel good about herself.

Self Esteem

The uncluttered worksheets in The Powerhouse provide a useful template to spark a childs imagination. The sections for pupil evaluations will help develop the skills of self-reflection: a necessary indicator of emotional intelligence. It is a good introduction to emotional literacy and a welcome addition to primary staffroom resources' - "Mark Edwards, Times Educational Supplement

"This copiable resource, developed from the work of Elizabeth Morris, Principal of the School of Emotional Literacy, is an

essential addition to primary school resources on self-esteem.

Designed as a teaching aid for the PSHE curriculum, the sections are graded from 5 to 7 years to 9 to 11 years, following the topics:

" All about me

" Me and my world

" You and me

" My dreams and wishes

" My daily dilemmas.

Each section contains teacher notes and photocopiable pupil activity worksheets.

The resource helps schools develop the emotional literacy of young people and can be linked to other curriculum topics.

Guindon (2002) asked school counsellors to list five characteristics that best describe students with low self-esteem. Over 1000 words were used and the most common are listed below:

1. Withdrawn/shy/quiet

2. Insecure

3. Underachieving

4. Negative (attitude)

5. Unhappy

6. Socially inept

7. Angry/hostile

8. Unmotivated

9. Depressed

10. Dependent/follower

11. Poor self-image

12. Non-risk-taker

13. Lacks elf-confidence

14. Poor communication

15. Acts out

 

Parents worry about a lot of things. They want to make sure that their children get the best medical care, nutrition and education. But one important life skill that is often overlooked, is building up a child’s self-esteem.

Self-esteem does not mean putting yourself up on a pedestal and putting down others, but rather it is a healthy liking of oneself and the desire to try new things with the belief that goals can be achieved. In addition, it means understanding your place in the world and having confidence in your future.

Self-esteem is not something you are born with. It is learned through interactions with family and important figures. It develops differently in each stage of life. The following are some ways to help foster self-esteem in different age groups.

 

Babies

Babies need lots of love and attention. They need to know that when they cry someone will comfort and take care of their needs. They also need lots of smiles and reassurances that they are important in this world.

Toddlers

Toddlers need opportunities to explore things for themselves. They are still learning that they are a separate being and are working to make connections with the world around them. Much of their self-esteem is based on their perception of how their parents see them. If they are constantly told they are a nuisance, they will begin to think that they are of no worth. On the other hand, if they are told they are important and loved, they will develop a healthy self-esteem.

Preschoolers

Usually by this age children realize that their minds and bodies are their own. If they have developed self-esteem in earlier years they will be ready to spend time away from parents because they have an inner sense of who they are. At this age, their self-esteem is more physical–who can run fastest or is the tallest.

Primary School Years

During the early school years, children are making lots of adjustments. Their sense of self-worth will start to be determined by how they do at school or in a sport and will also be largely impacted by friends. Children who are bullied or feel they have no friends will have lower self-esteem.

Adolescence

Friends also play an important role in this stage of life. That is why teenagers love to be attached to their phone so that they can know exactly what their friends are doing. Youth who have a goal and support from family tend to have higher self-esteem.

There are many things that parents and caregivers can do to help foster self-esteem at any age. When children are young, they need lots of love and smiles. As they get older, they need to feel respected. It is important for parents to encourage friendships and help their children to achieve their goals.

Low Self-Esteem in Children

It should be noted that on average self-esteem during childhood is found to be relatively high. However, there are individual differences and some children are unfortunate to experience feelings of low self-esteem.

Low self-esteem in children tends to be related to physical punishment and withholding of love and affection by parents. Children with low self-esteem rely on coping strategies that are counterproductive such as bullying, quitting, cheating, avoiding etc. Although all children will display some of these behaviors at times, low self-esteem is strongly indicated when these behaviors appear with regularity.

Socially children with low self-esteem can be withdrawn or shy, and find it difficult to have fun. Although they may have a wide circle of friends they are more likely to yield to group pressure and more vulnerable to being bullied. At school they avoid trying new things (for fear of failure) and will give up easily

Growing from a young, malleable child into an independent, self-respecting person is the primary human task. Yet it is also the primary challenge, because success is not guaranteed. There are numerous impediments along the way that keep many people from ever achieving a healthy level of self-esteem.

Some time ago I was invited to contribute a paper that would suggest ways that parents, teachers and therapists could nurture self-esteem in children. I offer this paper in its original form, unchanged, as it was addressed to colleagues.

A BASIC DEFINITION

If we are to consider how self-esteem is best nurtured in young people, we must first be clear on what we mean by “self-esteem.” So I shall begin with a definition.

Self-esteem is the disposition to experience oneself as being competent to cope with the basic challenges of life, and as being worthy of happiness. Thus, it consists of two components: (1) self-efficacy – confidence in one’s ability to think, learn, choose, and make appropriate decisions; and (2) self-respect – confidence that love, friendship, achievement, success – in a word, happiness – are natural and appropriate (Branden, 1994).

If a person felt inadequate to face the normal challenges of life, if he or she lacked fundamental self-trust or confidence in his or her mind, we would recognize the presence of a self-esteem deficiency, no matter what other assets the person possessed.

The same would be true if a person lacked a basic sense of self-respect, felt unworthy of the love or respect of others, felt undeserving of happiness, or was fearful of asserting thoughts, wants, or needs.

Self-esteem is not the euphoria or buoyancy that may be temporarily induced by a drug, a compliment, or a love affair. If it is not grounded in reality, if it is only a delusion in someone’s consciousness — if it is not built over time through such practices as living consciously, self-responsibly, and with integrity, discussed below — it is not self-esteem (Branden, 1997).

THE ROLE OF PARENTS

One of the simplest applications of living consciously and being self-responsible is being conscious of — and taking responsibility for — the words coming out of one’s mouth. If adults did so, they would not be so prone to make the kind of statements that can devastate a young person’s self-esteem. “What’s the matter with you? Can’t you do anything right?” When I hear adults talking to a child abusively, I inquire, “What is your purpose? Have you found that insulting a child’s intelligence raises the level of performance?” I ask teachers: “Have you found ridicule to be an effective tool for facilitating learning?” Pay attention to outcome!

Or, a lesson in self-acceptance: Five-year-old Jennie bursts into the room and screams, “I hate my brother!” Mother number one says, “What a terrible thing to say! You don’t mean it! You can’t hate him! He’s your brother!” What is she teaching? Self-alienation and self-doubt. Mother number two says, “Wow! You’re really feeling mad at your brother right now!. Want to tell me about it, sweetheart? “What is she teaching? Self-acceptance and the non-catastrophizing of negative emotions (Branden, 1987).

Clearly, parents and teachers can make it easier or harder for a young person to develop self-esteem. They can make it easier or harder for a young person to learn the six practices and make them an integral part of his or hr life. However, they cannot inspire these practices in young people if they do not manifest them in their own behavior. In this area, modeling is essential to effective teaching. According to Stanley Coopersmith’s landmark study of the family origins of self-esteem, the parents of children with high self-esteem tend to have high self-esteem themselves (Coopersmith, 1967).

The six practices provide a standard for assessing parental and teaching policies. Do these policies encourage or discourage consciousness, self-acceptance, self-responsibility, self-assertiveness, purposefulness, and integrity? Do they raise or lower the probability that a young person will learn self-esteem-supporting behaviors?

The issue of what supports – or subverts – self-esteem is present virtually from the beginning of life. A child has no more basic requirement, a far as parental behavior is concerned, then that of safety and security. This entails the satisfaction of physiological needs, protection from the elements, and basic caretaking in all its obvious respects. It entails the creation of an environment in which the child can feel nurtured and safe.

In this context, the process of separation and individuation can unfold (Mahler, Pine, and Bergman, 1975). A mind that can later learn to trust itself can begin to emerge. A person with a confident sense of boundaries can develop.

Today we know that touch is essential for a child’s healthy development. Through touch we send sensory stimulation that helps the infant’s brain to develop. Through touch we convey love, caring, comfort, support, and nurturing.

As the process of growth continues, a child who is treated with love tends to internalize the feeling and to experience him or herself as lovable. Love is conveyed by verbal expression, nurturing actions, and the pleasure and joy parents show in the sheer fact of the child’s being.

THE ROLE OF PARENTS II

An effective parent can convey anger or disappointment without signaling withdrawal of love — and can teach without resorting to rejection, humiliating behavior, or physical or emotional abuse, all of which can damage a child’s fragile sense of self.

A child whose thoughts and feelings are treated with acceptance tends to internalize the response and to learn self-acceptance. Acceptance is conveyed, not necessarily by agreement, which is not always possible, but by listening to and acknowledging the child’s thoughts and feelings, and by not chastising, arguing, lecturing, psychologizing, or insulting.

A child who is treated with respect tends to learn self-respect. Stated simply, respect is conveyed by addressing the child with the same good-mannered courtesy one normally extends to adults. A home – or a classroom – in which people talk to one another with benevolent respect is an environment that supports self-esteem.

When praise is in order, convey appreciation of behavior, and do so realistically. Do not make extravagant, global statements about the child’s intelligence or ability — because they make the child feel anxious and unseen. When criticism of behavior is necessary, do so respectfully, with regard for the dignity of the recipient. Do not indulge in character assassination (Ginott, 1972).

When parents express their pleasure in and appreciation of a child’s questions or observations or thoughtfulness, they are encouraging the exercise of consciousness or mindfulness. When they respond positively and respectfully to a child’s efforts at self-expression, or invite such self-expression, they encourage self-assertiveness. When they acknowledge and show appreciation for a child’s truthfulness, they encourage integrity. In short, catch a child doing something right and convey pleasure and appreciation at the sight of it.

 

STIMULATING SELF-ESTEEM

How parents respond when children make mistakes can be fateful for self-esteem. If a child is ridiculed or chastised or punished for making a mistake — or if a parent steps in impatiently, saying “Here, let me do it!” – the child cannot feel free to struggle and learn. A natural process of growth is sabotaged. A child who does not feel accepted by parents if he or she makes a mistake may learn to practice self-rejection in response to mistakes. Consciousness is muted, self-acceptance is undermined, self-assertiveness and self-responsibility are suppressed. It is more useful to ask, “What have you learned? What might you do differently next time?”


An effective way to stimulate expanded consciousness in young people is to avoid asking questions that can be answered with a yes or no and to ask instead questions that require thought. For instance, instead of asking, “Did you have a good time at the circus?” — ask, “What was the most interesting (or exciting) thing you saw at the circus?” Or: “What’s your favorite book (or class) and what do you like about it?”

There is no end to the possible ways one might encourage the six practices in young people; here, it has been possible to indicate only a few. I turn now to some of the ways in which teachers can contribute to the development of self-esteem in their students.

THE ROLE OF TEACHERS

To many students, school represents a “second chance” – an opportunity to acquire a better sense of self and a better vision of life than was offered in their home. A teacher who projects confidence in a child’s competence and goodness can be a powerful antidote to a family in which such confidence is lacking and which perhaps the opposite perspective is being conveyed. A teacher who treats boys and girls with respect can provide enlightenment for a child struggling to understand human relationships and who comes from a home where such respect does not exist. A teacher who refuses to accept a child’s negative self-concept and relentlessly holds to a better view of the child’s potential has the power – sometimes – to save a life. A client once said to me, “It was my forth grade teacher who made me aware a different kind of humanity existed than my family – she gave me a vision to inspire me.”

“Feel good” notions of self-esteem are harmful rather than helpful. Yet if one examines the proposals offered to teachers on how to raise students’ self-esteem, many are the kind of trivial nonsense that gives self-esteem a bad name, such as praising and applauding a child for virtually everything he or she does, dismissing the importance of objective accomplishments, handing out gold stars on every possible occasion and propounding an “entitlement” idea of self-esteem that leaves it divorced from both behavior and character. One of the consequences of this approach is to expose to ridicule the whole self-esteem movement in the schools.

A few words, as an aside, on the relationship of self-esteem to external achievements in school or beyond. To observe that the practice of living purposefully is essential to well-realized self-esteem should not be understood to mean that the measure of a person’s worth is his or her external achievements. We admire achievements -in ourselves and in others – and it is natural and appropriate to do so. But this is not the same thing as saying that our achievements are the measure or ground of our self-esteem. The root of our self-esteem, as I have discussed at length elsewhere (Branden, 1994) is not our achievements, but those internally generated practices that, among other things, make it possible for us to achieve all the self-virtues mentioned above.

If the proper goal of education is to provide students with a foundation in the basics needed to function effectively in the modern world, then nothing is more important than building courses on the art of critical thinking into every school curriculum. And if self-esteem means confidence in our ability to cope with the challenges of life, is anything more important that learning how to use one’s mind? This means learning not what to think, but how to think.

THE ROLE OF TEACHERS II

In an information-age economy, where everyone’s chief capital asset is what they carry between their ears, the ability to think independently is valued far above mere obedience. Individual teachers and designers of curricula need to ask themselves: How does my work contribute to the process of young people becoming thinking, innovative, creative human beings?

To give a child the experience of being accepted and respected does not mean to signal that “I expect nothing of you.” Teachers who want children to give their best must convey that that is what they expect. Children often interpret the absence of such expectations as evidence of contempt.

We know that a teacher’s expectations tends to turn into self-fulfilling prophecies. If a teacher expects a student to get an A – or a D – either way, expectations tend to become realities. If a teacher knows how to convey, “I am absolutely convinced you can master this subject and I expect you to, and I will give you all the help you need,” the child feels nurtured, supported, and inspired.

If a proper education has to include an understanding of thinking, it also has to include an understanding of feelings. A teacher is in a position to teach children a rational respect for feelings coupled with an awareness that one can accept a feeling without having to be ruled by it. For self-esteem, this is an issue of the highest importance.

Students can learn to own when they are afraid, and accept it, and (for instance) still go to the dentist when it is necessary to do so. They can learn to admit when they are angry, and talk about it, and not resort to fists. They can learn to recognize when they are hurt, and own the feeling, and not put on a phony act of indifference. They can learn to witness their feelings of impatience and excitement, and breathe into them, and yet not go out to play until they have finished their homework. They can learn to recognize their sexual feelings, and accept them, and not be controlled by them in self-destructive ways. They can learn to recognize and accept their emotions without losing their minds.

A FINAL NOTE

The last issue I will mention, equally applicable to parents and teachers, is the need to ask, “What do I want from this child? Obedience or cooperativeness?” If I want obedience, fear may be an appropriate feeling to encourage. If I want cooperativeness, then I must speak not to a child’s fear, but to a child’s mind.

The journey toward a healthy sense of self is fraught with many perils, particularly during the developmental stage of our lives. Because of this, the role of parents in helping a child attain healthy self-esteem is critically important. No parent can “give” their child self-esteem, but they can raise them in a manner that removes many of the blockades toward healthy self-esteem. As parents, this should be the primary task.

Originally published in Bottom Line Personal 7/15/95. Reprinted by permission.

THE VALUE OF SELF-ESTEEM

It’s an old and excellent adage that effective parents give children roots to grow and wings to fly. Every child needs the security of a firm base and the self-confidence to leave it one day.

A central part of this process is helping children to develop self-esteem. Self-esteem is the confidence that we are competent to deal with the basic challenges of life – and also the feeling that we are worthy of happiness.

Having self-esteem entails trust in one’s own mind. It also means that we have confidence in our own value-in our right to be treated with respect and benevolence, and moreover, in our right to personal happiness and joy.

There is practical importance in developing self-esteem in your children when they are young. As we grow and develop, we continually face challenges of one kind or another. A child or adult who believes in his/her own personal resources is far better situated to live life successfully than a child who is inhibited or paralyzed by self-doubt and self-distrust.

The most important factor to consider when giving your child the basis for a happy adult life is to treat him or her with courtesy, respect and benevolence from the very beginning, so that the child comes to expect and perceive these qualities as normal.

The child will come to understand this respectful behavior as the best way to communicate with other people. Then when your child encounters abusive behavior, he will see it as undesirable and unacceptable.

Often a child has a sense of being loved by his parents – but not of being respected. Children become frustrated when they’re not taken seriously by adults. I remember one of my clients saying “My father talks with more courtesy and respect to everyone else than he talks to me. And yet, I know he would die for me. It’s very confusing.”

Strategy: When your children are talking, look at them and listen while they are speaking. Don’t cut them off or finish sentences for them. Don’t unnecessarily correct them or do other work when they are talking to you. They can sense our impatience or lack of interest.

Example: One day, I was swinging my granddaughter around by the arms. This was something she loved. But at some point, she said, “Let me down, Grandpa.” But because I was having so much fun myself, I continued to swing her. She said, “Grandpa, you’re not listening.” And I immediately realized that I wasn’t and set her back down on the floor.

By listening to what my granddaughter said, I treated her feelings with respect. A child who is not allowed to have a voice in what happens to him will not feel entitled to his own views as an adult.

 

THE FIRST LANGUAGE IS TOUCH

Long before a child can understand words, he or she understands touch. Declarations of love without touch are unconvincing and hollow. Hugging and kissing your child and holding his or her hand are very basic and important ways of expressing love, comfort, support and nurturing.

Through touch we send sensory stimulation that helps the child’s brain develop. Children need to experience that their person is loved and valued.

INSPIRE, RATHER THAN DEMAND

I say inspire because you can’t give children self-esteem. Self-esteem is always generated from within.

How do you inspire self-esteem in a child? Obviously, if you treat a child with love, respect and acceptance, then you create the context in which the best chance exists that the child is going to internalize your messages and generate a powerful sense of self from within.

Parents also should remember that it is important to respect the child’s need to struggle in the learning process. At one point or another, the parent may want to step in and tell the child the answer or show him or her how to solve the problem. But the fact that the child is wrestling with the learning process doesn’t mean that anything is wrong. All learning involves some struggle. Part of the feeling of achievement that comes from learning is the sense of having tackled a problem and subdued it – of having won by virtue of your own efforts.

The parent may be motivated by good intentions in trying to solve the problem for the child, but the parent is really aborting the child’s learning process. Children need to know the extent of their own abilities – that they can overcome problems in the world, even if it takes a certain amount of effort.

 

What Is Self-Esteem?

Self-esteem is a way of thinking and feeling about yourself.

Kids with self-esteem:

· feel good about themselves

· feel proud of what they can do

· believe in themselves, even when they don't succeed at first

· see their own good qualities, such as being kind or capable

· feel liked, loved, and respected

· accept themselves, even when they make mistakes

Low self-esteem is another way of thinking and feeling about yourself.

Kids with low self-esteem:

· don't feel good about themselves

· don't think they are as good as others

· think mostly bad things about themselves

· think of the times they fail, rather than the times they do well

· are hard on themselves and give up easily

· don't feel liked, accepted, or respected

Which one best describes you most of the time?

References

· Branden, N. “How to Raise Your Self-Esteem.” New York: Bantam Books, 1987.

· Branden, N. “The Six Pillars of Self-Esteem.” New York: Bantam Books, 1994.

· Branden, N. “Taking Responsibility.”New York: Simon & Schuster, 1997.

· Branden, N. “The Art of Living Consciously.” New York: Simon & Schuster, 1999.

· Coopersmith, S. “The Antecedents of Self-Esteem.” San Francisco: W.H. Freeman & Co., 1967.

· Ginott, H. “Teacher and Child.” New York: Macmillan. 1972

· Mahler, M.S., Pine, and Bergman “The Psychological Birth of the Human Infant. “New York: Basic Books, 1975.

 

Sometimes it's easy to notice when kids seem to feel good about themselves — and when they don't. We often describe this idea of feeling good about ourselves as "self-esteem."

Kids who have healthy self-esteem tend to:

· feel valued and accepted

· feel confident that they can do what's expected

· feel proud of a job well done

· think good things about themselves

· feel prepared for everyday challenges

Kids with low self-esteem often:

· feel self-critical and are hard on themselves

· feel insecure, or not as good as other kids

· focus on the times they fail rather than the times they succeed

· lack confidence

· doubt their ability to do well at things

Why Self-Esteem Matters

When children feel good about themselves, it sets them up for success — in everything from school to friendships. Positive feelings like self-acceptance or self-confidence help kids try new challenges, cope with mistakes, and try again. Taking pride in their abilities and accomplishments helps kids do their best.

By contrast, kids with low self-esteem might feel unsure of themselves. If they think others won't accept them, they may not participate as often. They may allow themselves to be treated poorly and have a hard time standing up for themselves. Kids who don't expect to do well may avoid challenges, give up easily, or be unable to bounce back from mistakes.

Having low self-esteem can block success. It can leave kids distracted by the stress of how to deal with everyday challenges.

How Self-Esteem Develops

Contrary to what some might think, self-esteem does not come telling kids they're wonderful, special, and great (even though they are!). Giving every child a trophy doesn't help kids' self-esteem. Indeed, it's possible for kids to feel good about themselves even when they fail.

When children compete — win or lose — they see that their own hard work and practice can make a difference. Earning a prize contributes to self-esteem only when a kid knows he or she earned it.

Self-esteem is the result of experiences that help a child feel capable, effective, and accepted.

· When kids learn to do things for themselves and feel proud of what they can do, they feel capable.

· Children feel effective when they see that good things come from efforts like trying hard, getting close to a goal, or making progress. For example, kids who take part in a service projectfeel good about themselves when they see how their actions matter.

· When kids feel accepted and understood by a parent or someone close, they are likely to accept themselves, too. Their good feelings about themselves multiply as parents praise good behaviors, help when needed, and give encouragement and support.

Effects of Low Self-Esteem in Children

by SUSAN REVERMANN

Your child’s self-esteem reflects how he feels about himself and contributes to how he approaches the world. Although his level of self-esteem can vary slightly from day to day, he has a general feeling about his value and self-worth. Low self-esteem will be reflected in his behavior, body language, approach to life and overall demeanor.

If a child has low-self esteem, she likely doesn’t feel comfortable around new people or situations. Photo Credit Polka Dot Images/Polka Dot/Getty Images

If a child has low-self esteem, she likely doesn’t feel comfortable around new people or situations. If this is the case, she may feel awkward and tend to avoid anything unfamiliar. Often, she will be hesitant to take risks or move out of her comfort zone. With this type of behavior, the child may miss valuable social opportunities and situations where she could learn and grow from a new experience.

He may be overly critical of the skills he possesses or how he looks. Photo Credit Nick White/Photodisc/Getty Images

A lack of confidence often goes hand in hand with low self-esteem. You may notice your child talking negatively about himself and his abilities. He may be overly critical of the skills he possesses or how he looks. He probably uses pessimistic phrasing about the world in general. Joe Navarro, former FBI counterintelligence agent and author, points out in an article for "Psychology Today" that body language, such as slumped shoulders, sad facial expression and downcast eyes, will show a low level of confidence without a person even saying a word.

Lack of Effort

A child with low self-esteem may view herself as being unskilled or incapable of completing tasks. If she actually attempts a new activity but fails, she may just give up and walk away. A child with a higher level of self-esteem is more likely to be confident enough to try again even if the first attempt didn’t work. To encourage your child to keep trying, the American Psychological Association suggests praising your child for her efforts, not for her personal qualities.

The Emotional Toll

Child therapists and counselors can help your child develop some coping strategies and problem-solving techniques. Photo Credit Stockbyte/Stockbyte/Getty Images

A child with low self-esteem may experience any number of negative emotions. Unhappiness, depression, anxiety, shame, anger and hostility can come with the territory. If talking to your child and working with him doesn’t seem to help alleviate the issue, you may want to get some professional help for your child. Child therapists and counselors can help your child develop some coping strategies and problem-solving techniques.

ACTIVITIES FOR DEVELOPING CHILDREN’S SELF-ESTEEM

Bag Those Negative Messages

Have students blow up a small balloon. On the blown up balloon have students write everything they do not like about themselves. On a paper lunch bag have students list everything they like about themselves. Have the students place the balloon inside the bag. As a class have all the students stand up and place their bagged balloons on their seats. Have them all sit down at the same time, popping their balloons as they sit.

 

My Self Esteem”

Have students write their names: I am M - agnificent

A - ble

R - espectful

Y - our friend

Compliment Notes

Give your child sticky notes with the following sentences are written:
Amy, you are good at....
Bobby, I like the way you....
Tommy, you are special because....

Special Candy Game

Helpsgroup to get to know each other and to have each member of the group think about things that are special and unique about themselves - they also find out things that they might have in common with others in the group

Methods:

· Have participants sit in a circle

· Give each person 10 pieces of candy

· Go around the circle and have each person name one thing in their life that they think is special or some talent or ability that they possess

· As each person says what they want to say, the other members of the group throw that person a piece of candy if that is not something that they have in common with that individual

Example: I say, "I can play the piano." If you can also play the piano you do nothing, but if you cannot play the piano you throw me a piece of candy

· You should try to encourage the members of the group who are having a hard time thinking of something, as there should hopefully always be something to find in a persons life that is good

· The game should hopefully end at a point where all members have the same amounts of candy again or at least where everyone has some so that no one feels left out - this up to the leader

 

Advertising

Introduce the group to advertisements. Talk about their purpose and the method in which ads get the message across - visually and with words. Ads promote the positive aspects of a product, the finer qualities. Ads also persuade a person into buying the product. The individual's task in this project is to come up with and advertisement persuading someone to be their friend. Individuals should depict positive aspects of themselves through pictures, words, or a combination of the two.

If an individual has a difficult time thinking of reasons someone would want to be their friend, have them think of characteristics they look for in a friend. At the end of the session have participants share advertisements with one another. Let other participants confirm the positive qualities of the presenter.

The Self-esteem Gauntlet

Form two lines with participants facing each other. Have one person walk or skip in between the two lines and "run" the gauntlet. As the person walks through the line, others pat him on the back, give them "high 5" or a hug, share kind words, or smile at them. Encourage the person to go through the gauntlet slowly and to listen to the words and gestures given to him.

Expected Outcome: good feelings about self, feeling good at giving others compliments, increased self-esteem, group cohesion.

 

Just The Way You Are

1. Listen to "Just The Way You Are" while patients/clients follow along with printed lyric sheet.

2. Discuss the lyrics.

3. Have each student write their name at the top of a piece of paper.

4. Pass it to the person on their right.

5. Have them write 2-3 positive comments, descriptors of the person whose paper they have.

6. Continue to pass papers until each student has their original paper back.

7. Have the student read their paper aloud.

8. Discuss.

Other suitable songs: S.Gomes “Who Says”, W.Houston “Hero”, Nickelblack “When We Stand Together”, N.Bedingfield “Unwritten”, Ch.Aguilera “Beautiful”, B.Morley “Don’t Worry Be Happy”, Ch.James “Magnificent”, T.Turner “Simply The Best”

 

The Compliment Game

This game is good to play when you have a group of children, especially if they tend to have a lot of personality conflicts.

· Give each child a piece of paper. Ask him or her to tear the paper into pieces -- one for each child in the group.

· On each piece of paper, he should write name, then list all of the positive characteristics he can think of about. Try to have them focus on personality traits and behaviors, not physical attributes.

· When they have completed their lists, they should put all of them into a box. One of the children in the class can read aloud all of the positive comments about each child. The children are usually very surprised at how many great things are said about them.

· If they would like, they can keep their lists in a folder or notebook. Then, when they're feeling a little down about themselves, they can read about how wonderful other people think they are, and this will help when building self-confidence.

 

Picturing Self-Esteem

This is something that can be tailored for children of all ages and is good for a group.

· Ask them to draw a picture of what they think self-esteem looks like or feels like.

· Encourage them to be as simple or complex as they want and set an agreed-upon time for them to do their drawing.

· When all the children are done, each one can discuss his or her own work with the others in the group.

 

Letter to Myself

This activity allows a child to express his feelings, thoughts and dreams to himself in a letter. Encourage him to write down several goals he wants to accomplish by the end of the school year. Save the letters and give them to him before summer break; review with him how much he was able to accomplish in just one year.

The idea of this activity is to have a child work toward a goal and realize he's a capable human being. It might be helpful to review the letters prior to the end of the school year, especially for a child struggling with self-esteem issues.

 

Interview Your Classmate

Break your students into groups of two. Set a timer for five to 10 minutes and have each student "interview" the other person, asking questions and getting to know her. You could develop a specific set of questions, but this usually works better if a child is given the opportunity to create the dialogue (but have the questions as icebreakers, just in case.) Pair up two opposite personalities or children who may have previously struggled to get along. Have each student present to the class a few things they learned about their classmate when time is up.

The concept of this activity is to show a child he has things in common with another person. It also helps develop and strengthen empathy and communication skills, as the child needs to listen to the other person to present information to the class.

 

Brochure About Me

Make a tri-fold brochure with colored paper. Each child should decorate the front of the brochure with her name. List categories on the whiteboard such as "one of my talents" or "my biggest accomplishment". Tell the students to fill in the answers to the categories on the inside of the brochure. Reassure the children that although the class will pass the brochure around, nobody will be reading what is written on the inside. Once everyone is finished, provide each child with a sticker to seal his brochure. Then students pass the brochures clockwise around the class. Each child checks the name on the front of the brochure, then writes something positive about that person on the back of the brochure. Continue passing the brochures around until everyone has written a comment about each student. Children keep the brochures for positive reinforcement.

 

Personal Control

Have a class discussion on Eleanor Roosevelt's statement that, "No one can make you feel inferior without your permission." Ask the class to discuss if this is a true statement. Identify what ways people make themselves feel inferior. Instruct students to consider situations when other people have tried to make them feel inferior and how they handled it. Have the class list techniques people might use to prevent low self-esteem.

"About Me" Collage

This activity is a good way to focus a child's attention on those characteristics that make her special. You will need poster board, scissors, glue, photographs and old magazines.
Have the child think for a moment about good aspects of her life and personality or hopes and dreams she has. The child should then find words or pictures from magazines or photos to symbolize those things. Glue these to the poster board to make a collage. The child can draw things on the poster or add glitter glue, pipe-cleaners, clip art or anything else available. Anything the child places on the collage should focus solely on her positive traits. When it is finished, have the child explain what each thing on the poster represents and then hang it in a place where it will be seen every day. This will be a positive reminder of all the things that make the child special and unique and the reasons why the child should feel good about herself.

Self Esteem

The uncluttered worksheets in The Powerhouse provide a useful template to spark a childs imagination. The sections for pupil evaluations will help develop the skills of self-reflection: a necessary indicator of emotional intelligence. It is a good introduction to emotional literacy and a welcome addition to primary staffroom resources' - "Mark Edwards, Times Educational Supplement

"This copiable resource, developed from the work of Elizabeth Morris, Principal of the School of Emotional Literacy, is an

essential addition to primary school resources on self-esteem.

Designed as a teaching aid for the PSHE curriculum, the sections are graded from 5 to 7 years to 9 to 11 years, following the topics:

" All about me

" Me and my world

" You and me

" My dreams and wishes

" My daily dilemmas.

Each section contains teacher notes and photocopiable pupil activity worksheets.

The resource helps schools develop the emotional literacy of young people and can be linked to other curriculum topics.

Guindon (2002) asked school counsellors to list five characteristics that best describe students with low self-esteem. Over 1000 words were used and the most common are listed below:

1. Withdrawn/shy/quiet

2. Insecure

3. Underachieving

4. Negative (attitude)

5. Unhappy

6. Socially inept

7. Angry/hostile

8. Unmotivated

9. Depressed

10. Dependent/follower

11. Poor self-image

12. Non-risk-taker

13. Lacks elf-confidence

14. Poor communication

15. Acts out

 

Parents worry about a lot of things. They want to make sure that their children get the best medical care, nutrition and education. But one important life skill that is often overlooked, is building up a child’s self-esteem.

Self-esteem does not mean putting yourself up on a pedestal and putting down others, but rather it is a healthy liking of oneself and the desire to try new things with the belief that goals can be achieved. In addition, it means understanding your place in the world and having confidence in your future.

Self-esteem is not something you are born with. It is learned through interactions with family and important figures. It develops differently in each stage of life. The following are some ways to help foster self-esteem in different age groups.

 

Babies

Babies need lots of love and attention. They need to know that when they cry someone will comfort and take care of their needs. They also need lots of smiles and reassurances that they are important in this world.

Toddlers

Toddlers need opportunities to explore things for themselves. They are still learning that they are a separate being and are working to make connections with the world around them. Much of their self-esteem is based on their perception of how their parents see them. If they are constantly told they are a nuisance, they will begin to think that they are of no worth. On the other hand, if they are told they are important and loved, they will develop a healthy self-esteem.

Preschoolers

Usually by this age children realize that their minds and bodies are their own. If they have developed self-esteem in earlier years they will be ready to spend time away from parents because they have an inner sense of who they are. At this age, their self-esteem is more physical–who can run fastest or is the tallest.

Primary School Years

During the early school years, children are making lots of adjustments. Their sense of self-worth will start to be determined by how they do at school or in a sport and will also be largely impacted by friends. Children who are bullied or feel they have no friends will have lower self-esteem.

Adolescence

Friends also play an important role in this stage of life. That is why teenagers love to be attached to their phone so that they can know exactly what their friends are doing. Youth who have a goal and support from family tend to have higher self-esteem.

There are many things that parents and caregivers can do to help foster self-esteem at any age. When children are young, they need lots of love and smiles. As they get older, they need to feel respected. It is important for parents to encourage friendships and help their children to achieve their goals.



Поделиться:


Последнее изменение этой страницы: 2017-02-22; просмотров: 283; Нарушение авторского права страницы; Мы поможем в написании вашей работы!

infopedia.su Все материалы представленные на сайте исключительно с целью ознакомления читателями и не преследуют коммерческих целей или нарушение авторских прав. Обратная связь - 54.146.154.243 (0.359 с.)