Self-Esteem Affects Almost Everything You Do

Here are three things to remember about self-esteem:

1. Having self-esteem helps you. Self-esteem helps you have the courage to try new things, like making new friends. With self-esteem, you believe in yourself. You know that good things can happen when you try your best.

2. Having low self-esteem can hurt you. Low self-esteem makes kids feel unsure of themselves. They doubt they can do things as well as others. They lack the confidence to go after their goals.

3. You can grow your self-esteem. Self-esteem can begin with things parents say when a kid is very young. For example, a parent might tell a baby, "Look what you can do — you're walking all by yourself!" Hearing and thinking good things makes the baby feel proud and feel good. As you get older, you can keep self-esteem going by noticing when you've learned to do something or achieve something new. Riding a bike, learning to play a song, or doing a math problem are all things to notice in a happy way. You don't have to brag out loud, but you can give yourself a quiet little high-five. Yay, you!

You also can take note when things don't go your way. Everybody makes mistakes. If you miss the soccer goal or lose a library book, try not to get too mad at yourself. Instead, try again. That's self-esteem in action.

How to Boost Your Self-Esteem:

Try these steps:

· Make a list of the stuff you're good at. It can be anything from drawing, singing, or reading to playing a sport or telling a good joke. If you're having trouble with your list, ask your mom or dad to help you with it.

· Practice the things you do well. Think of ways you can practice some of the things you're good at every day. Your mom or dad can help you plan a way to keep practicing your skills and talents.

· Turn "I can't" into "I can!" Does the little voice in your head often tell you "I'm no good at this" or "I can't do it — it's too hard for me"? That's you thinking negative things about yourself. Decide to change your mind. Decide to think "I can give it a try," "I can handle this," "I'll give it my best," or "I'll ask someone to help me do this."

· Try your best. You can feel good about yourself when you give something a good try. Do your best at whatever you do, and your self-esteem will grow.

· Spend time with people who love you. Find time to do enjoyable or relaxing things with your parent or family. It helps you know you belong.

· Pitch in. Do nice things for parents, such as helping with meals, cleaning up, or feeding the pet. Pitching in by doing kind, helpful things helps you feel great about yourself. It helps you realize that what you do makes a difference.

Kids with good self-esteem are more likely to try again. They expect to do better next time — and usually they do!

Reviewed by: D'Arcy Lyness, PhD

Date reviewed: August 2015

· For Kids

http://kidshealth.org/en/kids/self-esteem.html

References

· Branden, N. “How to Raise Your Self-Esteem.” New York: Bantam Books, 1987.

· Branden, N. “The Six Pillars of Self-Esteem.” New York: Bantam Books, 1994.

· Branden, N. “Taking Responsibility.”New York: Simon & Schuster, 1997.

· Branden, N. “The Art of Living Consciously.” New York: Simon & Schuster, 1999.

· Coopersmith, S. “The Antecedents of Self-Esteem.” San Francisco: W.H. Freeman & Co., 1967.

· Ginott, H. “Teacher and Child.” New York: Macmillan. 1972

· Mahler, M.S., Pine, and Bergman “The Psychological Birth of the Human Infant. “New York: Basic Books, 1975.

 

Sometimes it's easy to notice when kids seem to feel good about themselves — and when they don't. We often describe this idea of feeling good about ourselves as "self-esteem."

Kids who have healthy self-esteem tend to:

· feel valued and accepted

· feel confident that they can do what's expected

· feel proud of a job well done

· think good things about themselves

· feel prepared for everyday challenges

Kids with low self-esteem often:

· feel self-critical and are hard on themselves

· feel insecure, or not as good as other kids

· focus on the times they fail rather than the times they succeed

· lack confidence

· doubt their ability to do well at things

Why Self-Esteem Matters

When children feel good about themselves, it sets them up for success — in everything from school to friendships. Positive feelings like self-acceptance or self-confidence help kids try new challenges, cope with mistakes, and try again. Taking pride in their abilities and accomplishments helps kids do their best.

By contrast, kids with low self-esteem might feel unsure of themselves. If they think others won't accept them, they may not participate as often. They may allow themselves to be treated poorly and have a hard time standing up for themselves. Kids who don't expect to do well may avoid challenges, give up easily, or be unable to bounce back from mistakes.

Having low self-esteem can block success. It can leave kids distracted by the stress of how to deal with everyday challenges.

How Self-Esteem Develops

Contrary to what some might think, self-esteem does not come telling kids they're wonderful, special, and great (even though they are!). Giving every child a trophy doesn't help kids' self-esteem. Indeed, it's possible for kids to feel good about themselves even when they fail.

When children compete — win or lose — they see that their own hard work and practice can make a difference. Earning a prize contributes to self-esteem only when a kid knows he or she earned it.

Self-esteem is the result of experiences that help a child feel capable, effective, and accepted.

· When kids learn to do things for themselves and feel proud of what they can do, they feel capable.

· Children feel effective when they see that good things come from efforts like trying hard, getting close to a goal, or making progress. For example, kids who take part in a service projectfeel good about themselves when they see how their actions matter.

· When kids feel accepted and understood by a parent or someone close, they are likely to accept themselves, too. Their good feelings about themselves multiply as parents praise good behaviors, help when needed, and give encouragement and support.