Helping your child build self-esteem

Building self esteem in children is an ongoing process and starts early. As parents we don’t always get it right, but as long as you can remember to praise, listen and enforce boundaries in a positive way this will hopefully ensure that your child knows your door will always be open and that you will never withdraw your love and support.

You can help to build your child’s self esteem by letting them know how well they have done and how proud you are of them. Don’t just say this, use descriptive words to ensure that they understand why you are pleased. Even though they might feel embarrassed talking to you they need to know that you are there to listen and support, not judge them for feeling the way they do at times.

Tips for helping build self-esteem

• When things don’t go according to plan, talk the situation through and try to stay calm.
• If you feel your child is struggling with the way they look or feel acknowledge their feelings and ensure that your child feels listened to as their feelings will be very real.
• Pick your moment carefully as having a one to one chat might be a little forceful. Try not to make things too intense to begin with.

 

Self-esteem should be viewed as a continuum, and can be high, medium or low, and is often quantified as a number in empirical research.

When considering self-esteem it is important to note that both high and low levels can be emotionally and socially harmful for the individual. Indeed it is thought an optimum level of self-esteem lies in the middle of the continuum. Individuals operating within this range are thought to be more socially dominant within relationships.

Empirical Research

Research has shown key differences between individuals with high and low self-esteem. For example, people with high self-esteem focus on growth and improvement, whereas people with low self-esteem focus on not making mistakes in life.

Low Self-Esteem in Children

It should be noted that on average self-esteem during childhood is found to be relatively high. However, there are individual differences and some children are unfortunate to experience feelings of low self-esteem.

Low self-esteem in children tends to be related to physical punishment and withholding of love and affection by parents. Children with low self-esteem rely on coping strategies that are counterproductive such as bullying, quitting, cheating, avoiding etc. Although all children will display some of these behaviors at times, low self-esteem is strongly indicated when these behaviors appear with regularity.

Socially children with low self-esteem can be withdrawn or shy, and find it difficult to have fun. Although they may have a wide circle of friends they are more likely to yield to group pressure and more vulnerable to being bullied. At school they avoid trying new things (for fear of failure) and will give up easily