Int. Ocean Club - Bahamas - ballroom - night 110

 

Jordan and Naomi waltz, their Guests joining in.

 

JORDAN (V.O.)

Of course after that bachelor

party, the Duke needed a few

penicillin shots so he could

safely consummate the marriage.

 

 

INT. OCEAN CLUB - BAHAMAS - BALLROOM - LATER 111

 

As Jordan and Naomi mingle with a few Strattonites,

videographer BARRY KLEINMAN, 40s, approaches Rugrat and

his DATE, ABBY with a video camera:

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BARRY KLEINMAN

I'm Barry Kleinman, filming the

wedding -- would you like to say

something to Jordan and Naomi?

 

RUGRAT / ABBY

Good luck! We love you!

 

Across the way, Naomi spots someone through the crowd--

 

NAOMI

Omigod! Aunt Emma!

 

Naomi rushes over, hugs her AUNT EMMA, 50s, demure,

British. Naomi turns, calls out to Jordan, who is now in

a huddle with the guys, his back to her.

 

NAOMI (CONT'D)

Jordan! Look!

 

Jordan turns, then crosses to them, smiling.

 

AUNT EMMA

Jordan dear, how lovely.

 

JORDAN

It's so nice to see you again.

 

As he leans in to hug her, Aunt Emma spots some white

powder on the edge of Jordan's nostril. Deftly, she

wipes it off, smiling.

 

AUNT EMMA

Into the donuts, I see.

 

JORDAN

Oh, I'm--- uh...

 

Aunt Emma leans in to his ear.

 

AUNT EMMA

I lived through the 60s, my dear.

Enjoy the day.

 

And with that, she turns back to Naomi.

 

 

112 EXT. BAHAMAS - MARINA - DAY (DEC `92) 112

 

With Naomi wearing a blindfold, Jordan leads her to the

end of a long dock, expensive yachts moored everywhere.

 

JORDAN

Careful now. You ready?

 

Jordan removes her blindfold -- there, towering above the

others, is a stunning, 120 foot yacht.

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NAOMI

What is this?

 

JORDAN

Your wedding present. Check out

the name.

 

She does; it's called "Naomi". As she squeals, hugs him-

 

JORDAN (V.O.)

For three weeks we sailed the

Naomi through the Caribbean--

 

 

113 INT. YACHT NAOMI - DAY (DEC `92) 113

 

The camera PUSHES IN past a white-jacketed STEWARD,

who opens the door to the yacht's main salon; next we see

the living room, with its full bar and leather couches;

then the bedroom, with a king bed and monogrammed sheets.

 

JORDAN (V.O.)

--eventually taking her home to

Long Island, where we'd bought a

house.

 

 

114 EXT. CARIBBEAN - OPEN OCEAN - DAY (DEC `92 - JAN `93) 114

 

The Naomi sails the calm waters, Jordan and Naomi popping

ludes, sunbathing blissfully on the deck.

 

JORDAN (V.O.)

Seven acres on the Gold Coast of

Long Island--

 

 

115-115K EXT./INT. JORDAN'S ESTATE - DAY (APR `93) 115-115K

 

Various shots -- the massive house; the glistening pool;

waterfall; fountains; tennis court; driving range;

gazebo; gym; sauna; library; media room.

 

JORDAN (V.O.)

--the most expensive real estate

in the world, with maids, cooks,

landscapers, you name it.

 

115L WE SEE the household STAFF lined up outside the house. 115L

 

JORDAN (V.O.)

We even had two guards who worked

in shifts, both named Rocco.

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116 INT. JORDAN'S ESTATE - MASTER BEDROOM - DAY (FEB `95) 116

 

Amid billowing piles of white Chinese silk, Jordan sleeps

on his back, snoring blissfully.

 

JORDAN (V.O.)

It was heaven on earth.

 

On screen WE SEE:

 

MONTHS LATER

 

Splash! A glass of water hits him in the face.

 

NAOMI

Wake up, you bag of shit!

 

Soaking wet, Jordan sits upright to see Naomi standing

over him in a tiny pink chemise, holding an empty glass.

 

JORDAN

The fuck are you doing?!

 

NAOMI

Who's Venice?

 

JORDAN

What?!

 

NAOMI

Who is she?! Some little hooker

you fucked last night?

 

JORDAN

What? No! Naomi!

 

And as Naomi storms off for a re-fill...

 

 

117 INT. HOTEL ROOM - THE NIGHT BEFORE (FEB `95) 117

 

Jordan lies on the ground, hands tied with a lit candle *

up his ass. *

 

JORDAN *

Venice, where are you? *

 

VENICE, A Blue Chip Hooker, enters, pulls out a candle *

and straddles him. She drips wax on his back and pulls *

his hair. *

 

 

118 INT. JORDAN'S ESTATE - MASTER BEDROOM - DAY (FEB `95) 118

 

Back to scene. Naomi holds another full glass, rocking

back and forth on the balls of her feet like a fighter.

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NAOMI

You were calling her name in your

sleep!

 

JORDAN

I can explain everything.

 

NAOMI

Go ahead. More lies from the man

who lies for a living!

 

JORDAN

No, really. Donnie and me, we're

investing in a condo development

in Venice.

 

NAOMI

Italy?!

 

JORDAN

California, baby.

 

NAOMI

Yeah, right.

 

JORDAN

Duchess, come on.

 

NAOMI

Don't `Duchess' me, you scumbag.

You think I don't know what you're

up to? You're a father now and

you act like an infant!

 

Splash! She nails him again, crosses for more water.

 

JORDAN

Fuck. Naomi! Why are you so mad?

 

NAOMI

Where do you want me to start?

How about you flying in here on

your stupid helicopter at three in

the morning waking up Skylar?!

 

 

119 EXT. JORDAN'S ESTATE - YARD - NIGHT (FEB `95) 119

 

Jordan crash-lands the helicopter on the driving range. *

He exits, gives Captain Dave a salute, fights his way *

through the bushes, then stumbles toward the house and *

falls into the pool, stoned out of his skull. Security *

floodlights come on and the alarm sounds. *

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NAOMI (O.S.)

Does it even matter to you that I

just had that driving range sodded

with Bermuda grass?

 

 

120 INT. JORDAN'S ESTATE - MASTER BEDROOM - DAY (FEB `95) 120

 

Back to scene. Naomi holds another glass of water.

 

NAOMI

But why should you give a shit?

You're not the one who researched

the fucking thing and dealt with

the fucking golf course people!

 

JORDAN

You're an aspiring landscape

architect?! But what happened to

wine connoisseur? Oh wait, that

was last month!

 

NAOMI

Fuck you!

 

Naomi winds up with the water glass. Jordan stands tall,

puffs himself up, arms flexed at his sides.

 

NAOMI (CONT'D)

Stop flexing your arms, you look

like a fucking imbecile.

(re: his crotch)

And don't think that impresses me

much.

 

Jordan looks down: he has a morning erection.

 

JORDAN

I wasn't flexing my arms. You're

just lucky to have a husband who's

in such great shape. Now get over

here and kiss me!

 

NAOMI

Kiss you?!

 

Splash! She nails him one last time, then storms out.

He stands there dripping wet. To his erection:

 

JORDAN

Where the fuck were you last

night?

 

JORDAN (V.O.)

My morning ritual. First I'd get

up and fight with Naomi about

whatever I did the night before.

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