Praise and Punishment Go Hand in Hand

Beverly called me last week, upset by her son Scott’s recent activities. Without going into the details, let me say this included a big party in the woods, alcohol, marijuana, lots of kids, cars and more.

As she provided more details about the event she said two things that caught my attention. First, Scott had called his parents for help. He wanted them to help extricate him from the situation that actually showed good judgement. And Scott is adamant that his younger brother does not know what he did wrong to get into this trouble.

Beverly had called to ask me what kind of punishment should be implemented. While I don’t make recommendations like that, I told her that I see an opportunity for praise and for punishment. The praise part really surprised her.

It is just important to tell your teenager what she/he is doing right, as what she/he is doing wrong. In the areas of discipline and limits, our job as parent takes on a new dimension in the teen years. We don’t want to be the ones to make judgements, the goal is to have our kids learn to make good judgements on their own. Praise for good decisions, even in bad situations like this, is very important. It not only provides helpful feedback, it can take the sting out of an unpleasant conversation. This way your discussion becomes more of an objective teaching opportunity. Beverly swears Scott really is a “good kid,” so the tone of the conversation is important. If you come down too hard you may create a teen that sneaks behind your back more and begins to fulfill negative expectations.

As for the punishment, one strategy that often works in situations like this is to ask the teenager what he thinks an appropriate punishment would be. Many times teens will recommend a harsher punishment than you would have.

Remember this – praise and punishment go hand in hand. Even when the situation includes serious misjudgements, look for what you teen did that was right, and praise that.

 

1) Should parents punish their children? If yes, in which cases?

2) What are the best ways, in your opinion, to praise and to punish children?

3) Should teachers punish their students? If yes, in which way?

4) Do you agree that praise makes children be more interested in learning?

5) What do you think about the statement “Praise in public, punish in private”?

 

Task 12. Find in the text, translate and learn by heart the following words and word combinations:

1) не вдаваясь в подробности, 2) привлечь чьё-либо внимание, 3) суждение / рассудительность, 4) быть непреклонным, 5) применить наказание, 6) цель, 7) ответная реакция, 8) клясться, 9) делать исподтишка, 10) ошибочное суждение / недооценка.

Topic 6. The role of parents in bringing up children

Task 13. Read and discuss the text. Make up 5 questions to the text.

Parents and children

To find out what makes a good parent a research was taken among the students of British high schools. The results turned out to be very instructive for not only British parents but for the parents all over the world.

When the teenagers were asked about what really makes a good parent they usually mentioned the ability to understand the kids’ needs and willingness to listen and understand. Children say that a good parent really cares about them and does things in the best interests of their kids. A good parent knows what it’s like to be a teenager and sees a viewpoint of kids. They should support you in what you do and praise you for all the good things that you do. A good parent is someone who cares but who is strict and wants their children to be successful.

Most teenagers think that there is a big difference between the roles of mother and father. A mother teaches her child right from wrong and manners. A father teaches a child to be strong and confident.

Girls are more closed to their mothers but there can be some exceptions. Teenage girls ask their dads for advice about homework, but always prefer to discuss school, friends and life problems with their mothers. That’s because they think their mothers are understanding and eager to help. Mostly teenagers ask their parents for advice but sometimes when things are too personal they avoid doing that.

The question “If you have your own children, what you will do differently from your own parents?” showed that teenagers think that their parents are too protective and strict to them.

Many teenagers think that parenting skills should be taught in high schools. Too many young parents don’t know the basics of parenting. Their kids at school are “messed up” and sometimes act very strange. Another point of view is that parenting isn’t something you just learn at school or college. Some teenagers consider that parenting is something you learn when you have children, with the help of your parents.