An extract from « Five green bottles » by Ray Jenkings.

 

An ordinary household. The play is set in the kitchen which is roomy and has access to the hall and living-room.

The time is that period of rush between 8 and 8.45 on any weekday morning. Gramp is reading the paper. Kevin is eating his toast. The radio is blaring cheery music. Mother’s in the hall – calling upstairs.

(M: Mother, D: David, K: Kevin, G: Gramp)

 

M: David! It’s eight o’clock. Are you coming down or aren’t you? David!

D: (Upstairs): All right!

M: No “alright” about it! Do you hear me?

D: (Low): Keep your hair on.

M: (Going up a couple of steps): What did you say?

D: I’m combing my hair down.

M: We’ll have less of your lip, my lad. And I’m not calling you again. You’ll be late. And tell that Maureen as well. (Coming down the steps.) Talk about the house of the dead.

D: (Hammering on a door): Maureen!

M: (Shouting): There’s no need to shout!

D: (Singing): Maureen-O!

M: Maureen, you’ll be late. (Pause)

D: She’d died in her sleep.

M: I give up. (She comes back into the kitchen). Nobody can get up in this house – you must get it from your father. If I slept half as much as you lot do there’d be nothing done.

K: The world’d fall to bits.

M: Kevin, get that telescope off the table!

K: I’m looking at tomato cells.

G: This paper’s all creased.

M: Don’t moan, dad!

G: It’s like trying to read an elephant’s kneecap.

M: Why have you left that piece of bacon?

K: It’s all fat.

M: You don’t know what’s good for you – it keeps out the cold.

K: Why don’t they make coats out of it then?

M: That’s enough. And turn that music down for heaven’s sake – you can’ t hear yourself think in a din like that.

K: It’s supposed to make you feel bright and breezy.

M: You must be joking. Turn it off! (The radio is switched off.) Oh, a bit of peace at last!

G: Never had bacon when I went to school. Just bread and jam and a four-mile walk.

K: Aren’t you glad you came to live with us then?

M: Kevin, that’s enough of that. There’s a lot you youngsters today have to be thankful for and a full stomach’s one of them.

G: Just bread and jam and a five-mile walk.

K: Four, you said.

G: It might have been six if you count the hills. Where’s my glasses. I can’t read without my glasses.

K: The cat’s wearing them. J

M: Kevin! Oh, I don’t know. If it’s not one, it’s the other.

G: The words go up and down without them.

M: (Patiently): Where did you have them last, dad?

G: I had them just now.

M: Are you sitting on them?

G: Don’t be daft – why should I sit on them?

M: Stranger things have happened. Get up. Come on, get up.

(Gramp gets up. He’s been sitting on them.) There you are. What did you say?

G: Who put them there, that’s what I’d like to know!

K: (Low): The cat.

M: Do you want any more tea?

K: No, thanks.

G: Look, they’re all twisted. You‘ve got to have a head like a corkscrew to get them on now!

M: (Calling): David! Maureen! I wont tell you again! It’s ten past eight already! (Pause) What were you and David quarrelling about last night?

K: Nothing.

M: Nobody makes a noise like that about nothing. What was it?

K: Nothing. (He gets up)

M: Where’re you going?

K: Get my books.

M: You still haven’t answered my question, young man!

K: It was nothing – honest!

M: Talk about blood from a stone. And take this telescope – I’ve only got one pair of hands. (Letters come through the front door.) There’s the post. (A door slams upstairs.)

D: I’ll get them?

M: Those doors!

K: I’ll get them.

M: No, let David do it – it’ll be one way of getting him downstairs. (David is cascading downstairs.)

K:  It’s always him.

Appendix for reading

Idioms, rhymes, tongue-twisters

Idioms

1 As wet as a fish – as dry as a bone.

2As live as a bird – as dead as a stone. 

3As plump as a partridge – as poor as a rat.

4 As strong as a horse – as weak as a cat.

5 As white as a lily – as black as coal.

6 As heavy as lead – as light as a feather.

7 As steady as time – as uncertain as weather.

8 As hot as an oven – as cold as a frog.

9 As gay as a lark – as sick as a dog.

10 As fierce as a tiger – as mild as a dove.

11 As stiff as a poker – as limp as a glove.

12 As blind as a bat – as deaf as a post.

13 As cool as a cucumber – as warm as a toast.

14 As beautiful as a day - as ugly as sin.

 

Rhymes

1 An apple a day keeps the doctor away;
    Apple in the morning - doctor's warning;
    Roast apple at night - starves the doctor outright;
     Eat an apple going to bed - knock the doctor on the head;
    Three each day, seven days a week - ruddy apple, ruddy cheek

 

2 Little Polly Flinders sat among the cinders

Warming her pretty little toes;

Her mother came and caught her

And whipped her little daughter

For spoiling her nice new clothes.

 

3 Swan, swan over the lake,

Swim, swan, swim;

Swan, swan back again,

Well swum, swan!

 

4 For want of a nail the shoe was lost.
    For want of a shoe the horse was lost.
    For want of a horse the rider was lost.
    For want of a rider the battle was lost.
    For want of a battle the kingdom was lost.
    And all for the want of a horseshoe nail.

 

5 A wise old owl lived in an oak;
    The more he saw the less he spoke;
    The less he spoke the more he heard.
    Why can't we all be like that wise old bird?

 

6  Three wise men of Gotham / gɒtəm/

Went to sea in a bowl;

And if the bowl had been stronger,

My song would have been longer.

 

7   A fly and a flea flew into a flue.

Said the fly, “Let us flee!”, said the flea, “Let us fly!”

 So they flew through a flaw in the flue.

 

8  The Inky Binky Spider climbed up the kitchen wall.
     Swoosh! Swoosh! went the fan and made the spider fall.

Off went the fan, no longer did it blow,
     So the Inky Binky Spider back up the wall did go.

The Inky Binky Spider went up the water spout,

Down came the rain and washed the spider out.

Out came the sun that dried up all the rain

And the Inky Binky Spider climbed up the spout again.

 

9 A centipede was happy quite, Until a frog in fun said,

“Pray, which leg comes after which?”

This raised her mind to such a pitch,

She lay distracted in the ditch

Considering how to run.

                               (Ogden Nash)

 

 10 Old King Cole was a merry old soul
     and a merry old soul was he
    He called for his pipe and he called for his bowl
     and he called for his fiddlers three.
    And every fiddler had a fine fiddle

and a very fine fiddle had he
    Old King Cole was a merry old soul
      and a merry old soul was he.

 

11 Now what do you think

Of little Jack Jingle?

Before he was married

He used to live single.

 

12 A tutor who tooted the flute

 Tried to teach two young tutors to toot;

Said the two to the tutor, 

“ Is it harder to toot,

 Or to tutor two tutors to toot? “

 

13 A swinging young monkey named Fred

      Let go and fell smack on his head;

      It gives him no pain,

      Except that his brain

      Sees yellow bananas as red.

 

14 Tommy Trot, a man of law,

  Sold his bed and lay upon straw;

  Sold his straw and slept on grass

  To buy his wife a looking-glass.

 

15 Oh the Grand Old Duke of York
    He had ten thousand men
       He marched them up to the top of the hill
    And he marched them down again
    When they were up, they were up
    And when they were down, they were down
     But when they were only half way up
    They were neither up nor down

 

16 Three young rats with black felt hats,

Three young ducks with white straw flats,

Three young dogs with curling tails,

Three young cats with demi-veils

  Went out to walk with two young pigs

  In satin vests and sorrel wigs;

  But suddenly it chanced to rain,

  And so they all went home again.

 

17 Once upon a time there were three little foxes,

Who didn’t wear stockings, and they didn’t wear sockses.

But they all had handkerchiefs to blow their noses,

And they kept their handkerchiefs in cardboard boxes.

 

18 Little Bo peep has lost her sheep
    And doesn't know where to find them.
     Leave them alone and they'll come home,
     Bringing their tails behind them.
         

Little Bo peep fell fast asleep
    And dreamt she heard them bleating,
    But when she awoke, she found it a joke,
    For they were all still fleeting.
  

Then up she took her little crook
   Determined for to find them.
   She found them indeed,

 but it made her heart bleed,
   For they left their tails behind them.

 

It happened one day, as Bo peep did stray
   Into a meadow hard by,
   There she espied their tails side by side
   All hung on a tree to dry.
   She heaved a sigh, and wiped her eye,
   And over the hillocks went rambling,
   And tried what she could,
   As a shepherdess should,
   To tack again each to its lambkin.

 

Tongue-twisters

1 Any little noise annoys an oyster, but a noisy noise annoys the oyster more.

2 A big bug bit the little beetle but the little beetle bit the big bug back.

3 If a black bug bleeds black blood, what colour blood does a blue bug bleed?

4 A box of biscuits, a box of mixed biscuits and a biscuit mixer!

5 Eleven little elves licked eleven little licorice lollypops.

6 Pepperoni pizza on a pink pattern plate with parsley on the side to your pleasure.

7 Red Riding Hood and Robin Hood ride right through the river.

8 Sister Susie sew suits for the soldiers.

9 Seven Santas sang silly songs.

10 She shuts the shop shutters so the shopping shoppers can’t shop.

11 Tiny Timmy trims the tall tree with tinsel.

12 Willie Wonder went wild while we went wading in the water.

13 Two witches bought two wrist watches. But which witch wore which wristwatch?

14 Which wrist watch is a Swiss wrist watch?

15 We weave well at “The Weavewell”. A well-woven “Weavewell” weave wears well.

16 A: Could you cook a gooseberry pudding without putting sugar in? – B: No, no, I couldn’t cook a gooseberry pudding without putting sugar in.

17 A: Could you pull a camel, who was miserable, looked awful and said he didn’t want to travel all the way from Fulham to Naples? – B: No, no, I couldn’t pull a camel, who was miserable, looked awful and ….

18 A: Could you walk through a wood, knowing it was full of horrible wolves, and not pull your hood up, and wish you didn’t look audible? – B: No, no, I couldn’t walk through the wood, knowing it was full of ….

19 A: Won’t you row the old boat over the ocean from Dover to Stow-in-the-Wold if I load it with gold? –

B: No, no, I won’t row the old boat over the ocean from Dover to Stow-in-the-Wold if you load it with gold.

20 A: Won’t you show Joan where you’re going to grow a whole row of roses when you’ve sold her those potatoes and tomatoes? – No, no, I won’t show Joan where I’m going to grow a whole row of roses when I’ve sold her those potatoes and tomatoes.

21 A: Won’t you blow your noble Roman nose before you pose for your photo tomorrow? –

B: No, no, I won’t blow my noble Roman nose before I pose for my photo tomorrow.

 

 

Литература

1 Деева, И. М. Пятьдесят английских пословиц и их употребление./ И. М. Деева - Л., 1970. – 89 c.

2 Карневская, Е. Б. Практическая фонетика английского языка на продвинутом этапе [Текст]: учеб. пособие / Е. Б. Карневская.-  Минск: «Аверсэв», 2005. – 400 с.

3 Kenworthy, J. Teaching English pronunciation / J. Kenworthy - London: Longman, 1987. – 164 p.

4 Kingdon, R. English intonation practice / R. Kingdon - London, 1960. – 184 p.

5 Roach, P. English phonetics and phonology. A practical course / P. Roach - Cambridge University Press, 1993. – 212 p.

6 Wells J.C. Longman pronunciation Dictionary. Harlow: Longman, 1990. – 828p.

Учебное издание