Marcus Junius Brutus, 85—42 B.C.,

NOTORIOUS CRIMINALS

Cain

According to the Bible, he was the first murderer. The story is told in Genesis, Chapter Four. He was a tiller of the soil and his brother Abel was a shepherd. They were both sons of Adam and Eve. When the Lord accepted Abel's offerings and rejected those of his, he was very "wroth and his countenance fell". He fell upon his brother Abel and killed him. When the Lord asked him where his brother was, he asked the famous question "am I my brother's keeper?". For his crime, he was banished to be a wanderer over the earth, but to prevent him from being killed, God put a mark upon him to protect him. According to the Bible, he went to live in the land of Nod, east of Eden.

 

 

Marcus Junius Brutus, 85—42 B.C.,

Gaius Longinus Cassius, d. 42 B.C.

These two Roman generals were the leaders of conspiracy to murder Julius Caesar, the man who invaded Britain and was one of the greatest Roman generals. Both had distinguished careers, having been promised governorships by Caesar. One was even a personal friend of Caesar's but was convinced by the other that Caesar, who by then was dictator of Rome, was a tyrant who must be got rid of. On the Ides (15^th) of March 44 B.C. Caesar was stabbed to death on the steps of the Capitol, the senate house of Rome, both men taking part in the murder. Unfortunately, the conspiracy then began to crumble and the two generals fled to Macedonia to raise an army. They were defeated at the battle of Philip by Caesar's nephew Octavian and Roman military hero Mark Anthony. After the battle one committed suicide, while the other ordered his servant to kill him.

 

 

Caligula, A.D. 12—41

This Roman Emperor will always be remembered for his great cruelty and love of bloodshed. On one occasion, at one of the famous games, at which the gladiators performed, he is said to have remarked that he wished that the Roman people had only one neck so that he could kill them all with one blow. There is little doubt this his extreme cruelty was due to madness, as he started his reign in a very reasonable way. However, after a strange illness, he began to act as though insane and declared himself a god and even gave his horse a high public office. In the end he was murdered by a member of his own bodyguard as he left the games on 24^th January A.D. 41.

 

 

Colonia Agrippina, A.D. 16—59

As Roman empress, married to the emperor Claudius, she is remembered mostly for having poisoned him in A.D. 54 in order for her son, Nero to take the throne. The sister of Caligula and a cruel and ambitious woman, she is said to have murdered her previous husband as well. In the end she met her death on the orders of Nero, who was tired of being ruled by his mother. The city of her birth on the Rhine was named Colonia Agrippinensis in her honour and is now called Cologne.

 

 

Guy Fawkes, 1570—1606

Guy Fawkes is the best known member of the gang which planned Gunpowder plot of 1605. The originators of the plot were Robert Catesby, Thomas Winter, Thomas Percy and John Wright. Fawkes was only brought in later by Catesby, who knew of his reputation for courage. All were Roman Catholics and their plan was to destroy James I and his Protestant parliament by blowing them up. Percy rented a house next to parliament and later the cellar below the House of Lords. There Fawkes hid thirty-six barrels of gunpowder, covering them with wood and coal. The plot was discovered when one of the conspirators sent a letter to Lord Monteagle in October 1605 asking him not to attend the opening of parliament on 5^th November. Suspicions were aroused and on the night of 4th November Fawkes was arrested in the cellar. He had been given the task of lighting the fuse to set off the explosion. Tortured, he refused to give the names of his fellow conspirators until they had either been killed or captured. He was executed by hanging on 31^st January 1606.

 

 

Jack the Ripper

"Jack the Ripper" was a mysterious killer who terrorised the East End of London in the autumn of 1888. His victims, all women, were killed by having their throats cut, and in many cases the bodies were savagely mutilated as well. The number of victims is said to be between four and fourteen, though police authorities generally thought that only five murders were definitely the work of the Ripper. The Ripper was never caught, and his identity remains a mystery. All kinds of people have been suggested as possible Rippers, including the Duke of Clarence and even a barrister.

 

 

Roy Bean, d. 1903

In the days when the western part of the USA was known as Wild West law was upheld by very rough and ready men. 'Judge' Bean, as he called himself, was one of the most colourful of the lawmen. As a young man he had been a slaver, driven an ammunition truck in the war against Mexico, smuggled cotton and been tried. He became famous as Justice of the Peace in a town called Vinegarroon. Here, in a saloon called the Jersey Lilly — so named after the actress Lily Langtree of whom he was a fan — he held the court. His justice was as rough as the people he tried and he built up an enormous reputation, so that many tales were told about him. One is that he decided on one occasion that a man accused of murdering a Chinaman might call on his tough friends to make trouble for the judge. Looking through his law books he announced that he could not find anywhere that it said that you must not kill a Chinaman!

 

 

Lizzie Borden, 1860—1927

Lizzie Borden is known worldwide through a poem which was written about her. It goes:

Lizzie Borden took an axe

And gave her father forty whacks.

When she saw what she had done,

She gave her mother forty-one.

This cruel verse refers to the fact that Lizzie Borden was accused of having killed her father and stepmother by chopping them to pieces with an axe at their home in Fall River, Massachusetts, in 1892. She was tried for the two murders and acquitted, but the trial has become a legend, and many books have been written about it.

 

 

Bruno Hauptmann, d. 1936

Kidnapping, which means the taking of a person — sometimes a child — by force and asking the family, friends or even employers of the person for ransom in return for his or her release, has always been regarded as a serious crime. One of the best known kidnappings of modern times took place in America in March 1932, when the nineteen-months old son of American aviator Colonel Charles Lindbergh was taken from his New Jersey home while he was asleep in the nursery. Charles Lindbergh was the first man to fly the Atlantic non-stop single-handed in 1927 and a great American hero. A large sum of money — $50,000 — was demanded by the kidnapper and this was eventually paid over by Lindbergh in April. However, the boy had already been murdered and his body buried under leaves and twigs in a wood only four miles from the Lindbergh home. As a result of the Lindbergh case the crime of kidnapping was made a Federal instead of just a State offence with the passing of the "Lindbergh Act" (Federal Kidnapping Act) in 1933. This allowed the FBI to become involved in the search for kidnappers and their victims, making an arrest so much more likely. The kidnapper of Lindbergh's child, Bruno Hauptmann, a carpenter from New York, was finally arrested in September 1934 after a massive search, and executed in 1936. The publicity which followed the kidnapping was so great that the Lindberghs eventually left America to live in England and continued to do so until 1939.

 

 

Hans Van Meegeren, 1889—1947

Van Meegeren will go down in history as one of the greatest of all art forgers. His work fooled all the experts. Before the Second World War Van Meegeren was a struggling artist in Holland who gradually became embittered by the fact that his own painting was not appreciated. He therefore painted a number of works in the style of Vermeer, which were accepted as the real thing. The six 'Vermeers' he painted were sold for huge sums of money: five to Dutch museums and the sixth to Hermann Goering, the German Nazi leader, for 165,000 pounds during the war. When the war was over, the sale of the picture to Goering was traced to Van Meegeren, who was accused of collaborating with the Germans. To save himself, Van Meegeren confessed to having forged the painting, but had to paint another 'Vermeer' while the experts watched, before anyone would believe him. He was tried in 1947 on a charge of forgery and sentenced to one year in prison. Six weeks later he died, having finally achieved fame as a painter.

 

 

Alphonse Capone, 1899—1947

'Al' Capone is possibly the best-known of all American gangsters, though by no means the most important. His home ground was Chicago. He was brought into the rackets by Johnny Torrio and Torrio's uncle 'Big Jim' Colosimo. Capone seized his chance when Prohibition was declared in 1920, which made the manufacture and sale of alcohol illegal in America. He soon rose to control a large part of the illegal liquor market in Chicago and the Middle West. A fierce and vicious man, he was responsible for many gangland killings, including the 1929 St. Valentine's Day Massacre, in which seven rival "bootleggers" (men selling illicit liquor) were trapped by gunmen dressed as police and machine-gunned to death. He was imprisoned in 1931 on income tax charges, became a model prisoner and was released in 1939.

 

 

'Lucky Luciano', 1897—1962

'Lucky' Luciano, so called because he led a charmed life and avoided assassination, was one of the most powerful leaders of the Mafia in the USA. Having risen to be a trusted lieutenant of Joe Masseria ('Joe the Boss'), he had him killed in 1931. This was the first step Luciano was to make in getting rid of the old guard of the Mafia, to make way for younger men like himself. In the reorganisation that followed Luciano became capo or head of one of the five New York Mafia 'Families'. He became the most powerful chieftain in the Mafia, and formed alliances with gangsters of other national groups such as the Jews and Irish-Americans. In 1936 he was sent to prison but paroled in 1945 because of his and the Mafia's secret work for the U.S. government during the Second World War. Afterwards he was deported to Italy, from where he ran the European end of the Mafia's drugs operation.

 

 

Frank Costello, 1891—1973

Known by American newspapers as 'the Prime Minister of Crime', Costello was born in Italy and came to America in 1896. Though not well educated, he had a very good brain, and rose steadily through the ranks of the Mafia until in 1936 he took over 'Lucky' Luciano's position as capo di capore, or head of all the Family heads. He avoided violence whenever possible, but was not afraid to use it where necessary. By 1943 he virtually owned New York, appointing city officials, judges and even mayors. He was jailed in 1954 on income tax charges and the resulting publicity made him less valuable to Meyer Lansky's National Crime Syndicate, and he lost much of his power. An attempt was made on his life in 1957, but he was then allowed to retire in peace.

 

 

George Blake, b. 1922

Born in Holland, he was a famous traitor and Russian spy. During the Second World War, he was a member of the Dutch resistance until he escaped to England, joined the Navy and changed his name to Blake. He joined the intelligence services and was captured in Korea while serving in the British Embassy in Seoul. Blake was released in 1953 but had been secretly converted to communism while a prisoner. He then served as an agent for MI6 and as a double agent for the Russians, first in Berlin and later in Britain. In 1960 he was arrested and sentenced in 1961 to no less than forty-two years in prison. But in 1967, helped by a released fellow-prisoner, he made a daring escape from Wormwood Scrubs prison and was smuggled out to Moscow by the Russians.

 

 

Lee Harvey Oswald, 1940—1963

In 1963 the world was shaken by the news that President Kennedy had been assassinated in Dallas, Texas, while driving from airport. The man arrested for this terrible crime was Lee Harvey Oswald. After service in the U.S. Marine Corps, Oswald went to the Soviet Union for a time and married a Russian girl. On returning to the United States he was for a time involved with Cuban revolutionary elements. On 22^nd November 1963 he is said to have taken a rifle into the Texas Book Depository in Dallas, where he worked, and shot President Kennedy and Governor Conally of Texas as they drove past. Conally survived, but the President died soon afterwards. Oswald tried to escape, shooting a policeman who tried to stop him. He was caught, but was later shot dead before he could be brought to trial by the night-club owner Jack Ruby, who had got into the police station. The Warren Commission, which investigated the assassination, stated that Oswald had acted alone, but many people do not agree, and there are still a great many questions concerning the killing left unanswered.

 

FAMOUS DETECTIVES

Father Brown

One of the great figures of detective fiction is Father Brown, created by G.K.Chesterton (1874—1936) and largely based on his friend Father John O'Connor. Father Brown is a plump, moon-faced Roman Catholic priest from Essex, apparently vague and harmless, never separated from his large black umbrella and several brown paper parcels tied up with a string. In fact Father Brown is a master of detection as Chesterton showed in forty-nine stories published between 1911 and 1935. He finds himself involved, more or less by chance, in a crime, which he solves by using common sense and his vast knowledge of human nature. Father Brown appeared on film in 1954, with Alec Guinness in the title role, and later in a television series, starring Kenneth More.

 

 

Sherlock Holmes

The famous fictional detective of Victorian times was created by Sir Arthur Conan Doyle (1859—1930) who based the brilliant deductive method and personality of his character on Dr. Joseph Bell, under whom he had worked as a surgeon. Holmes with his incredible powers of deduction, his mastery of disguise and his scientific brilliance, first appeared in The Strand Magazine in 1882 in a story called A Study in Scarlet together with his faithful chronicler Dr. John Watson. Longer novels, collections of short stories continued to appear up until The Case of Sherlock Holmes (1927). But Conan Doyle had already been tired of his creation and had once tried to kill him off with his rival Professor Moriarty, but public pressure had secured his return. The stories remain hugely popular and have provided material for countless films and TV series. But the phrase "Elementary, my dear Watson" was never uttered by Holmes and is a later invention.

 

 

Ellery Queen

This was at the same time the name of a fictional detective and also the pen-name of the two authors, Frederick Dannay (1905— 1971) and Manfred Lee (b. 1905). The books written by 'Ellery Queen' are about Ellery Queen, an American playboy writer of detective stories, who keeps getting involved in mysteries himself. He first appeared in The Roman Hat Mystery in 1929, and in many later books. He was also the hero of several films made between 1935 and 1943, and Peter Lawford starred in a television series based on the books in 1971. Ellery Queen (the author) also founded a Mystery Magazine, which was a popular outlet for detective stories by other writers.

 

 

Hercules Poirot

The famous fictional detective, the Belgian Hercules Poirot, made his first appearance in 1920 in The Mysterious Affair at Styles written by the best selling novelist Agatha Christie (1891—1976), and he appeared in many of her stories after that. The heyday of Poirot's popularity was the period between the two World Wars, but he is undergoing a revival in films, especially Murder on the Orient Express and Death on the Nile. Plump, vain and dapper, Poirot has moustaches of which he is very proud and a weakness for exhorting people to use their 'little grey cells' (their brains).

 

 

Inspector Jules Maigret

Inspector Maigret was created by novelist Georges Simenon in 1931 and has become one of the most popular fictional policeman in the world. He is the central figure in more than 500 novels and short stories written by Simenon. He is a calm, thoughtful and very painstaking detective, who never makes any spectacular arrests and does most of his work by talking to people. Through the stories the reader can form a very vivid picture of the seamy side of French life. A television series, starring Rupert Davies as Maigret, was made by the BBC in the 1960s.

 

 

Perry Mason

The hard-hitting American defence lawyer Perry Mason was created by Erie Stanley Gardner (1889—1970). With his attractive and clever secretary Delia Street and his legman detective Paul Drake, Mason specialises in taking on clients accused of crimes and proving their innocence. His cases generally end in a dramatic courtroom scene in which Mason unmasks the true culprit. He first appeared in The Case of the Velvet Claws in 1933. In a popular television series of the 1960s, actor Raymond Burr played Perry Mason.

 

 

THE STUPIDEST CRIMINALS

Bank Robbers

1.1. Klaus Schmidt, 41, burst into a bank in Berlin, Germany, waved a pistol, and screamed, "Hand over the money!" The staff asked if he wanted a bag, to which he replied, "Damn right it's a real gun!" Guessing Schmidt was deaf, the manager set off the alarm, saying later, "It was ridiculously loud, but he didn't seem to notice." After five minutes, punctuated by Schmidt's occasionally shouting, "I am a trained killer!" police arrived and arrested him. Schmidt then sued the bank, accusing them of exploiting his disability.

1.2.Five armed raiders burst into a bank in Baku, the capital of Azerbaijan. Their demands for money were foiled when the staff calmly opened up the safes to reveal rows of empty shelves. Unfortunately, robbers were let down by their ignorance of the republic's finances. No money had been delivered to any of the banks in Baku for the previous two months.

1.3. John Nashid from New York held up a bank in Bronx and got away with $17,000. He then led the police on a five-mile car chase through back streets, throwing fistfuls of dollars out of the window in an attempt to hold up pursuit. To a certain extent it may have worked, as $6,300 of his haul wasn't recovered; but it also left a trail for the 12 cop cars chasing him to follow. Eventually Nashid ran from his car, dived through the window of a nearby nursing home, and was finally captured near a garbage can at the rear of the building. He had entered the bank draped in a sheet with holes cut out for his eyes, and was immediately nicknamed 'Casper the Ghost' by police.

1.4. Scottish bank robber Derek Macfadden was caught because he was too law-abiding. Gun in hand, he held up a bank at Giffnock, near Glasgow, and then raced off in his getaway car with £4,000. Despite being pursued by police, he halted at a red traffic light, where he was promptly arrested.

1.5. A man arrived at a bank in East Hartford, Connecticut. He was wearing a blue bandanna across his face and brandishing a pistol as he yanked at the door, only to find it was locked. The bank had actually closed at 3:00. After staring at the door for a few seconds, the man ran off into a small black car. Staff still inside the bank called the police, but no arrest was made.

Perhaps even later in arriving was the gang who spent the night cutting their way into a Lloyds bank in Hampshire, England. They cut bars with a hydraulic saw, wrenched out a security grille, and punched a hole through a wall. The only problem was that the bank was closed down four years earlier, and the building was empty.

1.6. From Florence, Italy, is a tale in which the guards got it wrong: security men were all too eager to help a man with his foot in a cast as he hobbled into a bank on metal crutches. Ignoring the alarm from the metal detector at the bank's entrance, they guided the apparently disabled man to a cashier's register. There he dropped his crutches, pulled a gun, and grabbed $40,000 before sprinting away.

1.7. Michael Norton stole two security cameras from the lobby of a bank. The cops were sure it was Norton, one of the neigbourghood characters, because the last pictures the cameras took showed him unscrewing them from the wall mountings. Detective Thomas Hickey set off to cruise the streets and eventually found Norton. "Hey", called Hickey. "Could you explain to me how come the bank has your picture?" "I didn't rob the bank," Norton protested "I just took the camera." Oops...

 

 

Muggers

2.1. After he had been robbed of $20 in Winnipeg, Canada, Roger Morse asked for his wallet back. The mugger agreed, handed over his own wallet by mistake, and fled — leaving Roger $250 better off.

2.2. In Camden, New Jersey, Clarence Gland and Kin Williams were taking a late-night stroll when a car pulled up and two men got out. One of them produced a long black snake and shoved it toward Gland's face, and while the couple stood rigid, his associate made off with cash, a personal stereo, and a wristwatch. A snake expert later identified the reptile from its description as a completely harmless rat snake. In other words, it was not loaded.

2.3. A gun-toting mugger made a bad mistake when he held up a man who was walking home through an alley in West Virginia. Finding his victim was carrying only $13, he demanded a check for $300- The man wrote out the check, and the thief was caught the next day when he tried to cash it. As the cops said afterward: "The crook wasn't very bright."

2.4. An Italian who turned to snatching handbags to finance his drug addiction came unstuck, when he robbed his own mother by mistake. The woman was walking along the street when her son, who didn't see her face until it was too late, sped past on a motorcycle and snatched her bag. Recognising him, his mother was so angry she reported him to the police.

2.5. Belgian police quickly solved two Brussels street robberies when they heard the victims' description of the culprit: he was wearing a bright-yellow jacket and had a cast on one leg. The man was caught within 15 minutes of his second robbery.

2.6. Purse snatcher Daniel Pauchin ended up in the hospital, when he tried to rob two women in a street in Nice, France. The victims were burly transvestites who beat him up and left him with broken ribs.

2.7. Mandy Hammond from Arnold, England, went out with two friends. As they waited for a taxi, a man walked up to them and demanded Mandy's lipstick and eyeshadow. The group thought he was joking, but he then pulled a gun, held it to her friend Paul Upton's head and announced, "Don't laugh. I've got a gun, and I'll shoot if you haven't got any lipstick.' Lipstick was promptly produced, and the man strolled off. In the same month a gunman struck in Scarborough, England. Wearing a hood and dark glasses, he forced a pharmacist assistant, at gunpoint, to fill a bag with pimple cream. Police were said to be "puzzled".

 

 

Thieves

3.1. Edward Williams of Houston, Texas, was fined $10,000 and put on 10 years' probation. He had formerly been a storeroom supervisor at Houston's Jefferson Davis Hospital, and he had been convicted of stealing 79,680 rolls of toilet paper. No one knew for sure what he'd done with the purloined paper.

3.2. Car thief in Holloway, north of London, got away with something special. Tucked away in the trunk of his car was a box containing 120 plastic earholes. They were plastic molds made for the Royal National Throat, Nose and Ear Hospital, to allow hearing aids to be tailor-made for patients. One can only imagine the thief trying to sell them on the open market: "Ere, buddy — wanna buy some plastic ear'oles?"

3.3. The day after winning $640,000 in Italy's national lottery, Flavio Maestrini was arrested for stealing $400 from a shop. Appearing in court, he explained that he didn't enjoy spending money unless it was stolen.

3.4. A Russian man arrived at his country retreat near Arkhangelsk, Russia, on the White Sea and found the entire house stolen, complete with outhouses and fences, leaving just a vegetable patch.

3.5. Members of a British Rail cricket team turned up for the first match of the season at their field near Kidderminster, England. The pavilion had disappeared. How one steals an eight-room building without anyone noticing remains a mystery.

3.6. Alan Omonde appeared in court in Uganda on the charge of stealing an old man's big edible rat. Omonde was given 12 strokes of the cane for stealing John Onyait's smoked rat, while Onyait lamented that he'd been deprived of his favourite dish. Omonde was also ordered to hunt down and trap five more edible rats as a fine payable to his elderly victim.

 

 

Escape Artists

4.1. Two prisoners tried to escape from an appearance at a court in Watford, England. Forgetting that they were handcuffed together, they ran on either side of a lamppost. Having hurtled into one another, the stunned pair was grabbed by the guard and bundled into a waiting prison van.

4.2. Relatives bribed a prison guard to smuggle a bunch of bananas to an inmate at Pecs, Hungary. Unfortunately the guard ran into the prison commander, and apparently unaware that there might be anything wrong with them, offered him his choice of the fruit. Needless to say, the commander chose the wrong banana, bit into the metal file contained within, and had the guard up on charges.

4.3. A certain Mr. Jorgen appeared on a Danish TV quiz show and easily outclassed his opponents. He was just about to take off with nearly $700 and a vacation for two in Marbella, Spain, when the producer took him aside: it seemed security wanted a word. Jorgen had been on the run for the previous 18 months, and his TV-addict prison officer had recognised him.

4.4. Double murderer David Graham was only too obliging when prison officers in Florida asked him to try to escape so they could test a new tracking dog. They even gave him a 30-minute start Graham did his part perfectly, but the dog didn't. Local police were called in to join the search, but Graham was long gone. A much better sniffer dog was employed at a jail in Mexico City, Mexico. It found Darren Brown hiding in a laundry van — which probably saved Brown a great deal of disappointment, as the laundry van's immediate destination was another prison.

4.5. Three imprisoned robbers broke out of a new jail in Aixen-Provence, France by climbing ladders left behind by workmen. The workers had been erecting wires intended to deter helicopter-aided escapes from the prison yard, but in preventing the high-tech breakouts, they seem to have forgotten all about the low-tech ones. 4.6. An unnamed man reportedly climbed the wall of Chelmsford jail, in Essex, England, from the outside. He was carrying a rope with which he intended to haul his brother out. The fellow lost his balance, fell into the jail, and was arrested as he staggered around the prison yard, dazed but unhurt.

 

 

Shop-Lifters

5.1. Steven Kemble was arrested in St. George, Utah, when he tried to flee after shoplifting a CD. After being briefly detained by a store clerk, he broke free, dashed out the door, and ran into a pillar in front of the shop, knocking himself unconscious.

5.2. Roy Philips Downfall was a colour fellow. Appearing in court on shoplifting charges, he wore a yellow parka, yellow shirt, yellow pants, and a yellow tie. It was a similar dress that drew him to the attention of the store detective at a supermarket in Oldham, England, where everything he was after had a yellow connection: jellies, mustard, cheese, three pairs of socks, and two pairs of underpants. He was given a one-month suspended sentence.

5.3. In Johannesburg, South Africa, a shoplifter with a passion for cheese was caught for the sixth time after stealing gouda and cheddar. Cleopas Ntima told police he paid for his other groceries, but said 'voices' told him to take the cheese.

 

 

Robbers

6.1. Mr. Wazir Jiwi was the only clerk in a late night shop in Houston, Texas, when he found himself looking at two pistols. "You don't need two," he told the bandit. "Why don't you sell me one of them?" The gunman named his price at $100; Jiwi handed over the cash and was given the gun. As he placed it under the counter, he pushed the button that locked the shop door. They then agreed on the price for the other gun. The outlaw grabbed the second bundle of cash, put his other pistol on the counter, and tried to leave. When he found he could not get out, Jiwi told him to bring the money back and he would let him go. And he did let him go, presumably guessing that anyone that stupid would get arrested soon enough anyway.

6.2. An armed man in Groiningen, northern Holland, handed a shopkeeper a note demanding money. The man behind the counter took one look and then wrote his own terse reply: "Bug off" (or the nearest Dutch equivalent). And the gunman did, too, fleeing empty-handed.

6.3. When John Gregory came to trial, the tale that came out was one of high farce rather than high drama. Gregory and an accomplice had attempted to rob a video-shop in Feltham, England, but unfortunately they were so dense, they thought the shop's typewriter was the cash register and ordered the manager, at gunpoint, to 'open it up'. Even after they'd spotted their mistake, they still managed to grab only five pounds before their shotgun went off accidentally, which scared them so much they fled, dropping the cash in the shop's doorway. The net return for the robbery was no money and 4 years' youth custody.

6.4. A robber armed with a sausage raided a shop in Graz, Austria, and escaped with 1,600 shillings. Storekeeper Rudy Buckmeister was hit over the head with the ten-pound sausage. "It felt like a baseball bat," he said.

6.5. Clive Bunyan burst into a store near Scarborough, England, brandishing a toy revolver and wearing a crash helmet and a mask. He got the shop clerk to hand over 250 pounds and fled outside to his motorcycle. However, he'd forgotten that written on his helmet in inch-high letters was "CLIVE BUNYAN — DRIVER". He was sentenced to 200 hours of community service.

 

 

Burglars

7.1. Having broken into a Hong Kong garment factory and found nothing worth stealing, burglar Yu Kin-Fong left a note saying: "Put some money here next time or I'll set fire to your factory. You make me do this for nothing. I can't even find 10 cents." He was tracked down and sentenced to 3 years.

7.2. Gloria Smile opened the door to find the reformed burglar in his twenties standing on her doorstep. Returning to the scene of his crimes in Westcliff, England, the young man said he had found God, apologized to her and handed her a shopping bag containing a silver coffeepot, creamer, and sugar bowL Unfortunately' he'd gone to the wrong house; Ms. Smile hadn't been his victim.

7.3. Two burglars raiding the Browns family home in Coventry, England got a little help from four-year-old Russell Brown. He got up to investigate when he heard a noise at 3 a.m., but the strangers he found in the darkened living room whispered that they were friends of his mommy and daddy who had come to borrow the stereo, VCR, and TV, but didn't want to disturb them because it was so late. Russell was delighted to help, and held the back door open for his visitors as they left with their haul, before going back upstairs to bed. The men were later arrested and the property recovered.

7.4. Two 78-year-old burglars were caught red-handed in a house in San Paolo, Brazil, when the occupants of the house returned unexpectedly. The one inside was too deaf to hear the warning of his accomplice outside, and the lookout man was not fit enough to escape.

7.5. Three burglars who broke into a cottage found nothing inside, literally. It was a front, held up by scaffolding and used by BBC for filming a drama at Ewenny, Wales.

 

 

8. 'Miscellaneous' Crooks

8.1. In the Tasmanian town of Launceton, Don Desmond Davey was fined $1,600 for quacking like a duck on his radio transmitter. He was convicted of broadcasting something that was not speech, and ordered to hand over his radio as well. Shortly before Barry Brownless of London was fined 1,600 pounds for barking at a police dog. He was found guilty of using threatening behavior.

8.2. A man was arrested in Bangkok, Thailand, charged with impersonating a police officer. Using a stolen uniform, he had spent two months posing as a traffic cop in order to extort money from motorists. He finally came unstuck when a senior officer passed by on an inspection tour and he saluted with the wrong hand.

8.3. Pickpocket Mario Palumbo thought he was going to have another good day at the races as he mingled with a 75,000-strong crowd in Monza, Italy. Unfortunately, his chosen victim turned out to be Pietro Fontana, who was not only a cop but the head of Milan's anti-pickpocket squad. Apparently known as the King of the Pickpockets, Palumbo was said to have remarked on his arrest: "When they hear of this in Naples, I will die of shame."

8.4. John Gilmer of Goole, England, was arrested for drunken driving but the police left him alone for a moment. Seizing his opportunity, he stole the car and drove off. He would probably have got away with it, driving along dark Yorkshire lanes, but for one thing: he had no idea how to turn off the patrol car's flashing blue light. The police simply followed the light and arrested him when he gave up and parked by a riverbank.

8.5. Unemployed David Morris, 21 from Beckenham in Kent, England, was passing the time before a date with his girlfriend when he wrote a note reading "I have a gun in my pocket and I'll shoot it off unless you hand over the money". He then went into three shops and passed the note over the counter. At the drugstore an assistant refused to accept the note because she thought it was an obscene suggestion. Next door in a hardware store a sales clerk shook his head and said he could not read English. Morris then went into a take-out restaurant, but the cashier couldn't read the note without his glasses. Morris asked for it back and hung around the street outside. Arrested soon afterward he told the police: "I've been a twit... I only pretended to have a gun." He was put on probation for two years.

Outrageous Lawsuits

9.1. A woman in Israel is suing a TV station and its weatherman for $1,000 after he predicted a sunny day and it rained. The woman claims the forecast caused her to leave home lightly dressed. As a result, she caught the flu, missed 4 days of work, spent $38 on medication and suffered stress.

9.2. A woman dropped some burglar bars on her foot. She claimed that her neighbour, who was helping her carry the bars, had caused the accident The neighbour's insurance company offered to settle the dispute by paying her medical bills, but she refused. She wanted more and sued for damages, including "pain and suffering." The jury took only 17 minutes to unanimously decide that the woman was fully responsible for her own injuries. The innocent neighbour had to pay $4,700 in defense costs. The two are no longer friends.

9.3. A jury awarded $178,000 in damages to a woman who sued her former fiance for breaking their seven-week engagement. The breakdown: $93,000 for pain & suffering; $60,000 for loss of income from her legal practice, and $25,000 for psychiatric counseling expenses.

9.4. Inmates at a county jail sued for cruel and unusual living conditions: bunk beds, cells lacking a sink and toilet, and no way to exercise in winter. These criminals were awarded $2 million dollars, paid by the taxpayers of Massachusetts. Each inmate who was a party to the suit got $10 tax-free, for each day he was jailed. Their award included damages plus 12 per cent interest from the time the case was settled until the time they collected their windfall.

9.5. John Carter, a New Jersey man sued McDonald's for injuries he sustained in an auto accident with one of their customers. He claimed that the customer who hit him did so after spilling the contents of his chocolate shake (which he purchased from McDonald's) onto his lap while reaching over for his fries. He alleged that McDonald's sold their customer food knowing he would consume it while driving and without announcing or affixing a warning to the effect "don't eat and drive." The court concluded that McDonald's had no duty to warn customers of obvious things which they should expect to know, but refused McDonald's request for attorney's fees stating that the plaintiff's attorney was "creative, imaginative and he shouldn't be penalised for that." This case was in the court system for three years, underwent appellate court review and cost McDonald's over $10,000.

9.6. A woman was treated by a psychiatrist, became romantically involved with him, and subsequently married him. After more than five years of marriage they divorced, at which time the woman sued her ex-husband for psychiatric malpractice and negligence claiming that the romantic or sexual relationship between them started before the formal psychiatric treatment ended. She contended that her ex-husband had breached the standard of care as a psychiatrist by becoming romantically involved with her, and sought general, special and punitive damages.

9.7. A surfer recently sued another surfer for "taking his wave." The case was ultimately dismissed Because they were unable to put a price on "pain and suffering" endured by watching someone ride the wave that was "intended for you."

9.8. A man sued a lemonade company for $10,000 for false advertising. He claimed that he suffered physical and mental injury and emotional distress from the implicit promises in the advertisements. When he drank the beverage, success with women did not come true for him plus, he got sick. The Michigan Court of Appeals affirmed a lower-court decision dismissing the case.

NOTORIOUS CRIMINALS

Cain

According to the Bible, he was the first murderer. The story is told in Genesis, Chapter Four. He was a tiller of the soil and his brother Abel was a shepherd. They were both sons of Adam and Eve. When the Lord accepted Abel's offerings and rejected those of his, he was very "wroth and his countenance fell". He fell upon his brother Abel and killed him. When the Lord asked him where his brother was, he asked the famous question "am I my brother's keeper?". For his crime, he was banished to be a wanderer over the earth, but to prevent him from being killed, God put a mark upon him to protect him. According to the Bible, he went to live in the land of Nod, east of Eden.

 

 

Marcus Junius Brutus, 85—42 B.C.,